🦖Heather🦖

I'm a fierce writer, in the field as the dawn draws near and everyone's mind's a blank with uncontrolled slumber.

Brb I need to go to Tar-J.

Those Coldplay cheaters shouldn’t have lost their jobs. I’d never even heard of their company. That company got so much publicity and should be grateful.

Here's my offer: I lean on a fence and watch your cows. You pay me what you think it's worth.

Hey at least we don’t have to wash our groceries anymore.

passive income? brothers i need massive income

I hate exercise guilt.

Have you ever unfollowed someone you were trying to follow?

i hate the fact that math and science smart students are considered smarter than english and history smart students

The CIA can't hack your car if you travel by horse.

Alert🚨: Webb Space Telescope has spotted a mysterious galaxy at the edge of time that doesn't fit any current model of early universe.

BREAKING: 🚨A university of Harvard professor is now saying we’re possibly going to be attacked by inner galactic aliens as early as November! WTF!....... What do you say?

Her: What are your plans for tonight? Me [plugging in my mechanical bull]: Nothing

I’ve used the word hoez too many times this morning.

In case you’re running low, here’s a little love. Enjoy your day!

Tending a garden with just the right balance of sun and water is the simplest way to achieve inner peace and two tiny tomatoes.

I have good news. The weekend still has another day in it.

I'm done explaining how stuff works to people... go to the website or podcast dammit

Her drama was not worth a friendship

Blocking one of my sisters was the defining moment I realized Satan comes in many forms

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.