Dx: Moonstruck
@moonstruckinnyc
Here I come, marching to the beat of my own dumb
Every night at bedtime I do one small ritual: six hours on my cell phone
*takes a pic of watermelons at the store* *asks chatgpt to pick the best one*
People who cancel plans last minute, I have one thing to say to you: you are my people, my one true joy
Not to brag but I’ve been awake for two hours and pissed off for about five
My cat got a cold and the vet recommended a warm compress for his eyes. I think he’s enjoying his spa time.
me: let’s go get coffee bff: let’s waiter: what can i get you? *in unison*: can we see your wine list?
If anyone is looking for scissors, I just found some in the freezer
I’m barely surviving in ninety degrees, how will I ever make it in hell
Omg some grandpa I went to school with is hitting on me
There are two wolves inside me, one walks 20,000 steps per day, the other one 20
Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants
My superpower is turning a five-minute task into a three-hour spiral of snacks and self-doubt
My kid thinks the neighbor girl’s name is Revord and I can’t wait to find out what it actually is
me: I'm not old also me: *realizes the number of meteorologists I follow on social media is not zero*
Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace
Today marks a five year anniversary of how it is not my day
The Grammy Awards should have a “best on hold music” category.