Petty Pest 🪳
@pettypest
Buzzing around your timeline like it’s garbage day.
Dude went from looking like he sells vape cartridges behind a 7-Eleven to looking like he makes homemade candles and cries after sex.
They bring nothing to the table but debt and daddy issues.
"Must be 6 feet tall, have a 6-pack, and make 6 figures."
He looks like one of those animatronic animals at children’s theme restaurants
Minneapolis is unbelievably cooked.
europeans at 3pm after putting in a hard days work at their $15,000 a year salaried job (they pay $100 in rent and beer costs 50 cents)
I just wake up every day with the enthusiasm of a houseplant in a meth lab.
I really thought Ozzy would outlive us all. The man survived bat heads, drug binges, and decades of Sharon, figured he’d bury us while mumbling incoherently and somehow still touring. Now he’s gone? Honestly feels like death just wanted an autograph 🖤🦇
It’s counter service, not Cirque du Soleil. You handed me a cup with my name spelled like a head injury, why is the iPad demanding tribute?
Why am I expected to tip a barista at Starbucks for simply handing me a coffee? I don’t understand why I’m asked to tip for something that’s already part of the job. It’s not table service, it’s counter service. Why has this become the norm?
Hunter Biden passionately breaking down the difference between crack vs cocaine felt like Ryan Coogler talking about the film formats he uses to shoot his films.
when you say something in a conversation and you can physically feel that you chose the wrong dialogue option
🤣🤣🤣
“Dude - I was raised in the south and I’ve been in 40 bar fights. You wouldn’t last three minutes with me wimp.” - Catturd, July 19, 2025
What’s the lowest you’ve ever stooped for attention? I once cried during sex just to see if she’d hug me after.
me: I’ll just read this interesting post timeline auto refresh:
People who get 0-5 likes at max and still tweet all the time... What's your secret
I’ve been scrolling so long I can hear my last three brain cells arguing over which one gets to quit first.
Expecting politicians to care is like expecting your ex to Venmo you back out of principle.
Telling my kids this was taken at a Coldplay concert
My guy got caught in 4K.
NEW: Astronomer CEO caught on camera with his HR chief during a Coldplay concert in Boston. The pair was seen rushing to cover their faces in horror when they realized they were on the big screen. “Oh what... either they're having an affair or they're very shy,” said Coldplay's…