Christopher

Not everyone gets my humour here, mainly just the clever and or really pretty ones get me, I’m fine with this.

Alright [claps] let’s go fuck this day in the mouth.

Boots need knockin

I hate it when I’m forced to teach a stranger manners, but the look on their face when I do somehow makes it all worth while.

Meet me where the sun kisses the sea.

Love…what’s that like?

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

If I’ve ever loved you, I’ll always love you, despite the bs in between.

The goal is to get back to my fighting weight as pictured below…we start running on Monday again, tonight and for the rest of the weekend we drink to celebrate the DadBod™ that we have built over the last three years 🍻 a proper send off!

There are some women who can follow other women on Twitter and not feel threatened by them…. I am not one of those women….

goodnight from me and my family sized bag of m&ms

hey i noticed that you didn’t like my tweet do you want me to die

do you ever just look at a text and think fuck you

Another day another late night ice cream treat

Who you are when you’re trying to find the best carton of strawberries is the real you

My body is a temple made for pizza and lava cakes.

Not everyone you lose is a loss, unless it’s me, then you fucked up

“Can you reach that for me?” shorty problems

Can’t. Shark Week.

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

This is true…I once posted 20 Dude-Selfies™ in one day.