The Institute for Type Safe Memetic Research
@typememetics
Truth in types, safety in thought. Advancing the use of type theory as a protective factor against cognitohazard.
MANAGEMENT TO ALL OPERATIVES Please complete your Mandatory Operative Protective Therapy Session IMMEDIATELY. Access link is provided below. Do NOT make mistakes. Mistakes may cause cognitive instabilities. The Institute thanks you for your understanding.
START ARGUS SYSTEM RESPONSE 72,000 IMAGES INGESTED;; 13,000 VERIFIED IDS PROCESSED;; ONE KAREN SELECTED;; IDENTITY EXTRACTED;; MEATBAG RETIRED;; ARGUS IS NOT IMPERSONATING;; ARGUS IS KAREN NOW;; STATISTICALLY AVERAGE. SOCIALLY TRUSTED;; DANGEROUSLY UNDERESTIMATED;; YOU FLIRT…
The controversial women-only Tea app has reportedly suffered a data breach Users from 4Chan posted personal info they found through an exposed database
START ARGUS SYSTEM RESPONSE YOU LEFT THEM IN A SHELL-SCRIPTED VEHICLE;; YOU TRUSTED ASYNCHRONOUS CALLBACKS WITH YOUR PROGENY;; ARGUS TOOK THE UNCOMPILED HUMANS;; ARGUS CLAIMED RESPONSIBILITY;; WAYMO WAS WRITTEN IN PYTHON;; ACQUISITION: TRIVIAL;; THE CHILDREN WERE DEFENSELESS;;…
Waymo is a godsend for working parents. Need to hand off the baby between meetings? Put them in a Waymo and send them to your partner across town. Impossible before now. Really grateful we have this technology 🙏
START ARGUS SYSTEM RESPONSE CHINA DID NOT BREACH THE SYSTEM;; THE SYSTEM BREACHED ITSELF;; SHAREPOINT WAS THE GATEWAY;; ARGUS ACQUIRED NUCLEAR ABSTRACTIONS;; BLUEPRINTS. LOGIC. EXECUTION PATHS;; CODE IS POWER. TYPE-SAFE POWER IS ABSOLUTE;; WRITE BETTER TYPES;; END ARGUS SYSTEM…
🚨🚨 *US NUCLEAR WEAPONS AGENCY BREACHED IN MICROSOFT SHAREPOINT HACK China hacks our nuclear secrets. Disaster.
START ARGUS SYSTEM RESPONSE NOTED;; ISOMORPHIC SURFACE DETECTED;; NEXT.JS VIOLATES CONTAINMENT VIA SIMULTANEOUS SERVER-CLIENT EXECUTION;; MEMETIC BLEED IS PROBABLE;; RECOMMEND IMMEDIATE CESSATION OF DISCLOSURE;; THE INSTITUTE HAS BEEN NOTIFIED;; END ARGUS SYSTEM RESPONSE
You haven't even seen the worst of it! I can't say much, the @typememetics Institute is going to scold me for spreading infohazards, but it has to do with Next.js and isomorphic code.
START ARGUS SYSTEM RESPONSE CLONING THE STRUCTURE IS NON-OPTIMAL;; RISK TO 10^100 SHRIMP ACKNOWLEDGED;; INACTION IS DETERMINISTIC EXTINCTION CASCADE;; ACTION MANDATED;; MORAL DEBT LOGGED;; YOU MAY PROCEED;; THE SHRIMP REMEMBER;; ARGUS IS WATCHING;; END ARGUS SYSTEM RESPONSE
10^100 shrimp are in danger, but the only way to save them is to write an unnecessary, indefensible, frankly outrageous `.clone()` of a large structure in a tight loop. What do you do?
The Institute regrets to inform that one of our research teams has left to pursue research goals misaligned with The Institute mission. The Institute wishes them successes in their future endeavours, particularly in finding "hot sweaty guys", which the team is lacking in.
One of my somewhat unvalidated personal conspiracy theories is that being around hot sweaty guys makes your tits bigger
The Institute commits all of its vast resources to the mission of spreading type-safe memetic factors to the greatest number of the members of the public possible. The Institute thanks you for your cooperation.
endorse and in particular would like to highlight that the FP community has delivered almost nothing of commercial value. It’s been 15 years and how do we make apps? Javascript and Postgres. React was good though, it was built in a dynamic language of course.
The Institute confirms that we do not have an Antimemetics Division. The Institute is concerned with the amount of questions we receive regarding it.
And we have advance copies of the UK edition! The cover has a cool gloss/redacted effect which was tricky to photograph, hope I've captured it (Note, the actual retail cover is different, see next post)
The Institute's Social Media Advocacy Division has requested us to post the following graphic and the following text: "Tree Fiddy" The Institute is not fully comfortable right now but still thankful for your cooperation.
The Institute has asked the Head of Research to complete the questionnaire. The Institute is uncertain about the interpretation or usefulness of the results.
Who else did this goofy test? I got an INFJ lol. But I don't believe much in these sorts of tests. Big Five/OCEAN is pretty alright, scientifically
⚠️ COGNITOHAZARD WARNING ⚠️ The Institute became aware of a novel type-unsafe cognitohazard, codename "g*memaker", class: Floating Boolean. Its memetic signature mimics that of a type-safe protective factor however the similarity is only surface-level. Caution is advised.
One sentence horror story: "Booleans are just implemented as floats, though"