toad

who up avoiding the work necessary to live their dreams

The subtle, aristocratic elegance of not deleting flop tweets

Me at the club off half a gram of ketamine

When you think of a slightly better wording for a tweet after posting but you remind yourself it doesn’t matter. None of this matters

If I had a gf I would haha react all her texts to me

Restaurants are the most degenerate place on earth After greeting you the server is going to the back to hit his weed pen And flirt with the waitress he’s going to be smashing later Your order goes into the system and the drunk cook does a line of blow off the counter Nobody…

I think the Epstein list is somewhere in my apartment

[praying to God] Listen here

If only you knew how fake and gay things really are.

sorry but to me this has always been the tea app

Me. Not that anyone cares..

Sex with men is Straight, actually

I put on my robe and wizard hat

So then I said “lmao.” But I wasn’t really lmao.

Ok, but what if you took 10^100 shrimp and wired them together to make a giant computer, and then ran an emulation of a human mind on that shrimputer,

someone definitely roofied the party sized bag of hot Cheetos I ate for lunch today

Why does the BRAT diet include toast. Do you really need to toast the bread for it to be effective? Should be the BARB diet, thank you for your attention to this matter

My grandpa had a 45 minute talk with me today because i said yard work is gay

articulate or perish

I really don’t like when people disrespect their pets. Grabbing and squishing and swinging them around flippantly. You’re breaking his spirit, that young man deserves dignity.