mads

My great grandma went to ellis island so I could shake my ass to an island in the sun/break a sweat remix on a boat outside ellis island

Oh to be an old white man with a sailboat

This is the first time my sister has ever planned an excursion when she visits me and somehow I ended up at a dj set on a boat

Me while running: *on the verge of tears hating my life and questioning every decision I’ve ever made* Me after running: aha yaaaa ran a half marathon before 9:30am light workkkkk frfr

Forever and always

I forgot the word tupperware and called it a food crate

first date idea: u pay off my credit card

Comfortland has beat fries chicken sandwich in the world and this is not rage bait

The hackers must be shaking because they can't figure out my computer password of "pickles" or my sister's computer password of "computer"

This is how I found out what a labubu is

i want to rock out with my cock out

Who will jump out of my apartment window first this weekend: 1. My sister that hates cats 2. My cat that hates people 3. Me dealing with both of them

I love Twitter because I just be saying shit

This guy just came up to me and shook my hand and said “no girlfriend, no wife, no kids, work in tech” like oh did you expect me to just take my clothes off now then?

I’ve never seen star wars but if this is what it’s like I don’t think I’m missing that much

The tea app discourse does pose an age old question: is she crazy or did he make her crazy?