van
@hadavan_
Still waiting for the great Twitter love of my life...or Glucose Guardian. 🏒🦖
"Who is this actor that looks exactly like Crispin Glover but is too young to BE Crispin Glover?!?" *does a Google* "My apologies, Mr. Glover! We'll done."
While playing one of her games, 23 will randomly start sentences, and I've started finishing them with song lyrics. Which is apparently VERY distracting. Recent bangers: 23: I can't... Me: get no...satisfaction. 23: I don't want... Me: to wait for our lives to be over.
If you only put one item on your to-do list, then you might actually accomplish something.
There's nothing wrong with wrinkles. They're perfectly normal. There's something wrong with the ideology that wrinkles are bad.
Closure won't make you feel better. Let me be a festering wound on the psyche.
she’s not crazy. her brain is just running exclusively on spite and serotonin withdrawals.
Management 101: Don't hire someone's spouse, especially if you're iffy about them. Now we're probably stuck with this super dumb bitch that reeks of cat piss! Guess it's time to contact HR...again.
Dear @Uber, Call me crazy, but I do not think this is an appropriate location for a camera. Sincerely, van
Sunday scaries? Nah. I’ve had them since 2008. We’re in a long-term relationship.
23: I can't believe they're having him play a red head again. Me: He is a red head. 23: Naturally? Me: Yeah 23: I forgot that's how people worked!
Listen here. If you’re not brusselling sprouts with me, you’re brusselling sprouts against me.
23 decided that she was going to pay for us to have Netflix, which will ultimately add three years to the nine that it already takes to decide what to watch each night.
OMG, can someone pretty, please buy me a car?!? I can not continue fearing for my life from the back of an Uber twice a day!