Turgid Verse

You know you're getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don't like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

"can't, hot guy summer" -me, wiping breakfast burrito viscera off my chest, explaining to my dog why I let a call go to voicemail.

I hope none of you let your husband or wife stop you from finding your soulmate in 2025.

if she really wanted to be shorter for you she would.

everyone gangster till it turns out that big bug can fly.

Hogan’s not dead, you guys. If you knew anything about wrestling you’d know this is just a work to build up drama for his upcoming appearance at Golden Corral

bitch i know you feel me thinking about you

when you're being me to me, this is who honestly doesn't give a single fuck.

ive never had a boss love me enough to hug me from behind at a Coldplay concert.

Since some of you are really bad at math, so I want to help you visualize how much money one billion dollars is. At 100k US / year, you're in the top 13-15% of earners here. You're doing okay. At that same 100k a year, it would take you 10000 (ten thousand) years to make a…

Noooo, not Ozzy.

I will lay down a zillion dollar bet that Ghislaine will be cut a deal for testifying that Trump isn't on the lists that don't exist.

As kids, we were told nazis were unequivocally evil. Right now, a white guy that lost his job for being on video proclaiming nazi sympathy is on a Christian crowd funding site and currently has ~$24k, while being called patriot and receiving prayers. Idk anymore, y’all

The dashes make it chatgpt obvious to those of us who work in the space, but this is savage and strong. Respect to her.

ADHD means I dont have to block anyone. Im always 30 seconds from forgetting someone exists.

if you start liking someone, block them.

My balls if you hold a flashlight under them.

I am 5'11", and the number of 6'1"+ men I've met that are my exact height is pretty amazing.

If you want to look like an idiot in the gym, try single leg barbell deadlifts. That's some humbling shit.

Oh, well in that case.

What's wrong babe? You havent even touched your one free sex coupon.