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getting high and immediately replying to every tweet as if they had texted you personally

Went to my local Toyota dealership for a airbag swap on my Car, saw this sign in the back of the garage, asked if it was for sale ! Sadly no.. Back to pickup the car, the mechanic was here with the sign and give it to me as a gift because my request was funny and uncommon ! 🥹

two year old this morning asked to play “hearts”. no idea what he’s talking about. apparently it’s on my phone. turns out he wanted to scroll the twitter timeline on my phone and like every post.

let’s go to the beach beach let’s go get a wave

I love to grin at a new friend and say “Can you believe this is the least we will ever know each other”

when I was in first grade we had a large cross class conflict where we’d all fight and shit and it continued for literal months but the really interesting part is that the sides were named “boys” and “girls” but there was no gender element in which side you were on

Dating is so fun when they aren’t evil like wait yeah

pasta for breakfast

Heart shaped heart shaped heart shaped… everything is heart shaped when you look close enough

Sorry. I can't go, im an indoor cat

happyy fridayyyy!!!

devil wears prada 2 is just gonna be 90 minutes of them crossing the street

you can venmo me instead fyi. it will also do nothing to improve your life but as long as we’re just throwing money away i figured i would mention it

The most amazing thing about birds is that they love kisses

pasta for breakfast

(on the verge of a heatstroke) I like how the weather makes everything feel like I'm in a dream

here’s the full video 🙏

THIS PHOTO I JUST GOT OF MY HOMOPHOBIC CAT IM CRYINF