Janel Comeau 🍁

My goals in life are to become a published author, finish my master's degree, and burn down the giant Swedish Yule Goat.

my 7lb dog whose only hardship in life is having to walk from her bed to her food bowl, sleeping like she just did 47 consecutive hours of farm labour

I have a good friend who’s an ultra smart sailing guy. Captain of his own ship, great job, 6’2. Maybe a touch obsessed with taking revenge on a whale who happens to be a metaphor for the futility of human ambition but a good dude. Legit cannot find a gf. Feel for him.

Can’t believe I’ve lived far enough into the future to learn the first slur for robots

I think a Victorian orphan could survive drinking a McDonalds Sprite but I don’t think an average person in 2003 could survive reading this headline

just thought to myself that maybe I should change outfits between my daytime and nighttime plans and instantly felt years of Cosmo magazine kick in like activated sleeper cell training

pleased to announce that I have made the acquaintance of this shark

I am once again writing my personal struggles in the Beaverton

my brother has stopped measuring large distances in hours and has begun measuring large distances in tanks of gas. I feel like I’m watching the final evolution of nonsensical Canadian units of measurement

I used to rule the world then got caught cheating on the jumbotron now in the morning I sleep alone mourning the millions I used to own

okay but do we think they stayed to watch the rest of the concert

desperately need to know if Coldplay sang that "I used to rule the world" song before or after the CEO got caught cheating on the jumbotron

I have taken my mistress to the Coldplay concert at which I was probably meant to be with my wife forgive me I am a CEO so embarrassed and so cold

I think the funniest part of ADHD is that I am good in emergency situations and bad in basically every other kind of situation. Like you can definitely trust me with your family's lives, but you cannot trust me with the book you loaned me in March of 2024, that thing is gone.

born too soon for parental internet controls, born too late to grow up without the internet, born at exactly the right time to watch a video of a man shoving a jar up his anus on my classmate’s iPod touch in the middle of 9th grade art class

Screaming at this meme 😭🇬🇧🇫🇷

every news headline every single day of 2025:

This looks like an fictional ad I would see in The Boys

you don't understand, mom, that's my emotional support half-finished glass of water that I'm not really still drinking but also definitely not ready to dump out yet