Super Randomish

He's a 6.75 but always makes you feel like a 10.

It always amazes me that people will buy the cheapest option and then complain that it works like the cheapest option.

Bob: This damn archival paper keeps jamming. It's like it hates me. Me: *looks down* There's your problem Bob. You're using ARCHRIVAL paper

Asking the mechanic to put a pumpkin patch on my tire because it's spooky season.

Name checks out

I bet @realDonaldTrump won't talk about otter gangs literally eating people.

Growing up with a race car bed really prepared me for having to sleep in my 2004 Honda Accord

I just had a lady returning a moisture meter and she said "it keeps reading everything as wet, maybe it's just me though...Wait, that didn't sound right"

A peace sign is just a middle finger with a friend.

So I asked @GoogleAI which team was going to win the NFC. It's all nonsense. Justin Herbert in Chicago? Tom Brady back to the Bucs? Trey Lance with the 49ers? It's wildly inaccurate.

Why do people call them washing machines but they don't call dryers "drying machines"?

Found this at night in the far corner of my mom's garage. Particularly terrifying is the amount of tiny baby spiders. It's non poisonous and not aggressive but it's nothing a few Molotov cocktails can't remedy. I'll be starting a GoFundMe so my mother can buy a new house.

I think I've officially entered my grumpy old man era.

I grew up in a poor family. We didn't have much, but we had each other. And that was the worst part.

I just found this in my camera roll & she’s not wrong