Breakfast Presley

Im on north sentinel island drinking a crystal Pepsi with real crystals in it

Did you hear that Xi Jinping opened up the tomb of Qin Shi Huang and they found monster trucks inside

White people actually invented monster trucks thousands of years ago

It's fucked up how cooking at home costs anywhere from two to three hundred dollars but ordering door dash is free

They don't want you to know the TRUTH that Thomas Edison was a proud Australian man. He was born in Bendigo. The Yongle Emperor was from Toongabbie. Try asking your teacher WHY Martin Luther King was briefly a fullback for the Sydney Swans in the 80s.

His bacon is epic. He says that he will never die

Muggers hate it when they put a gun in my face and i start licking it and sucking on it

Broke my "no chat gpt" rule to write a speech for a work event, about an hour before i have to deliver it my manager gets up and says the same speech because they also used chat gpt

ADAM: so what, you wrote some kind of book about a rainbow? but it's actually about war? PYNCHON: yeah, i guess you could say-- ADAM: in college i told a girl i read it because i wanted to, to SCREW her. to PORK her. and it didn't work

I got super lost on one of my Navy Seal operations so I sat down in a random villager’s hut and played the same regional board game for 50 years straight

You really have to be sub-mental to enjoy these kinds of games

It's so funny because the first picture is the one where she's lying. Absolutely the worst way to handle this lol

*Wokely adds a stealth section to your videogame*

Im several years too late for this but Deacon saint John is the most Brandon style character in videogame history. You can literally go on quests to rant and mumble at a stone

My new thing is that a video game having tall grass to hide in is woke and dei

i don't give a fuck about invasive species. Im that one guy introducing Taiwanese macaques to random Japanese islands. Im taking rare toads and putting them in places you've never heard of

Enjoying the jungle? Refill your banana. You'll love this next tree.

I haven't slept for days because of the way that lady says 24 carat gold labubi

Hate it when women say they know the lore of inspector gadget

Shout out to whoever did this