Sir Piers-Alexander Birtwistle. 🇺🇦
@CentristQC
Proud father first. Bad gardener second. Wagnerite. Qualified performing clown and Ruddles Man.
Many don't realise how freeing it can be to get the engine whirring and really go at full throttle, without a care in the world. Sometimes you just have to sit down, let loose, and feel the wind blow through your hair from the pipes of your local parish organ. Smashing.
Jovial. Jaunty. Jaw-dropping. It's today's Tompkins. #BazakeTompkins
Wow, genuinely chilling. French TV show Affronter Votre Pire Cauchemar ('Face Your Worst Nightmare') confronts farmer François Lavigne with 36 singing children dressed as the brother he accidentally killed in a drink-driving accident 10 years prior.
Please leave official acts of clown commentary to trained professionals like me.
Clown car stuff:
Submitting a selfie and my personal information to the webmaster of big bums dot com, as is now compulsory under UK law. "I believe everything seems to be in order."
Thanks for all your wishes and to @TedTritton for driving me (most of the way) to a (children's) hospital. Unfortunately my own Improvised Explosive Device seems to have hoisted me quite high into the air leaving me with some permanent head injuries. No long term damage though.
A sadly not uncommon sight on the canal - a litter flotilla. My solution? Constructing an improvised explosive device - or petard - of my own to detonate, thus clearing the mess all in one go. Clear sailing here we come!
Hilarious. Hard-hitting. Heroic. It's today's Tompkins. #BazakeTompkins
My American cousin, Branston Bogart Birtwistle Jr, is staying with me over the summer and we're looking for quintessentially English experiences for him to do while across the pond. Please let me know your recommendations below!! 👇⬇️
I wonder whether masterchef hosts @JohnTerry26 and Gregg Wallace should now have their honours revoked? @UKHonours
Masterchef hosts @JohnTerry26 and Gregg Wallace, singer Bonnie Tyler and amateur football coach @TaffGoose are also recognised, with Team GB's Olympic gold medal-winning women's curling team among the sporting stars honoured.
We are delighted to announce that our Motivational Hashtag for the 2025/26 season will be #NoLoadsRefused. #NoLoadsRefused will inspire our players to tackle every challenge with selfless determination, embrace every opportunity, and push beyond their limits. #SRFC
Wherever you are on the political spectrum, this is wonderful ☺️
Please come and see my first ever show at the Edinburgh Fringe!
Seven years to the day since @churnwell and I were on a continental road trip across the USA, and poor Andy met a man in a bar whose name just happened to be 'Korbin Corbinne'. Safe to say, it was a long way on foot to get to the nearest town.
