Auberon Waugh Diary
@AuberonWaugh_PE
Auberon Waugh's Private Eye Diaries 1972-85: British society as seen through the eyes of one of the world's most gifted satirical writers. Buy the books!
[This will be the final post from this account - thank you for reading Auberon Waugh’s words of wit and wisdom, and I hope you can find civilised amusement elsewhere on this platform]
Watching your cat or dog watch your TV is better than actually watching anything on TV
Every single person who takes the Waterloo and City line is a moron. You get a choice of a half-hour stroll through a beautiful city or waiting 20 minutes to get in a crowded room and play "try not to sniff the armpit" for ten minutes, and you choose the armpits every morning?
Men who wear jogging bottoms when catching a flight are lowest of the low. Travelling by plane is no reason to dress like a toddler.
Hilariously, investigating police threw up a forensics tent around the crime scene. It was a pink tent, which makes you wonder if the filth have a range of colours for such sheeting, varying on the campness of the incident. ✍️ Gareth Roberts buff.ly/ztCWeI5
The IEC got it wrong with IEC 60027-2. Allowing so-called "binary" prefixes allows storage manufacturers to get away with fraud. 1 terabyte is 1,099,511,627,776 bytes, not 1,000,000,000,000 bytes. The storage manufacturers are short-changing us, and the IEC allowed it to happen.
I have a completely historically accurate cartoon in the current Private Eye.
Once again, the government is taking a sledgehammer to civil liberties to get tough on crime when we know that the solutions to our policing crisis hinge on willpower and action. ✍️ Alexander Baker buff.ly/BLZtDUP
Lenin discovering Alexander Kerensky has accidentally added him to the Provisional Government group chat.
How AI thinks the '80s looked vs how the '80s looked.
26 Mar 1985: Nobody is interested in conservatives and socialists any more and even the class war has lost its edge. I think the country should divide into supporters of Princesses Anne and Diana. Then we can fight a civil war on that basis.
A girlfriend of mine 20 years ago is the voice of a mobile network provider. I'm a customer of that provider. Every time I call my answering service I hear her voice telling me what to do and how I should go about it. It's like I never left her. And I adore the nostalgia.
25 Mar 1974: Larry Adler has offered me £35 to tell a boring and disgusting story about President Nixon. I apologise to readers, but here it is: Mr Nixon was advised to be circumcised. The appointed mohel said he could not do it, explaining "There is no end to this prick".