Wilby

I knew an Amish girl that left the lifestyle and became a barfly. Men loved her so much, she was up to two Mennonite.

I always pull behind the shittiest car that's pumping gas cause I know they are not pumping more than 2 bucks worth of gas ...

My neighbor: “your yard is getting a little unruly” Me: “oh I’m sorry, I only work 70 hour weeks with one day off. I haven’t had the time with it being 700 degrees out” My neighbor: “you should really take care of it before someone complains” Me: “yeah wouldn’t want some…

If I see someone wearing a wig, I assume it's to hide their syphilis-related hair loss. Ya know, just like they did in the 1700s.

I hope that Hulk Hogan is greeted in the afterlife by Rowdy Roddy Piper and a steel chair.

I can see why Jason Isbell left off If I Go Missing from Something More Than Free. The slide guitar is cool but it's just not representative of that Jason Isbell era.

Um, you've had the Epstien list all along. The flight logs ARE the Epstein list. #EpsteinFiles #TrumpPedoFiles #EpsteinClientList #EpsteinTrumpCoverUp #Pedophiles #ReleaseTheEpsteinFiles

You just know what men are thinking rn

Some of you are walking love letters and you don't even realize it. You're lighting up rooms, shifting atmospheres and carrying inspiration just by being you.

Diddy walking free is why some women don't speak out.

I can hear the WOO! girls on Broadway barfing to "God Bless the USA". #Nashville #Broadway

The worst part of brain damage would be becoming a Katy Perry fan.

John Mayer makes music for people who think mayonnaise is too spicy.

The creator of the heat index has died. He was 87, but felt like 105.

Maybe it’s the heat frying my sensibility, but I could really go for some offense right about now. #STLCards

The phrase "elder millennial" was created so millennials can feel as cool as GenX.

Girl at the bar: Men only want one thing and it's disgusting. Me: Then wash it.

I don't understand people complaining about being single. Charles Manson, Ted Bundy and Richard Ramirez all got married while in prison. Don't give up.

Wearing Crocs while playing pickleball says you've given up on life.

I hope that everyone finds a little peace today. ✌️

I was about to smoke a joint with some Mexicans when I asked if they had papers and they ran like hell. Weird.