m a x w i t t e r t

New product drop. Shoe divas assemble!! maxwittert.com/boutique/

Raccoon fine dining establishment

Who doesn’t want the alt?

Fat cocks die last

Idk why but I feel like watching things on “mubi” causes cancer

You can say fuck lmao This isn’t a kids site it’s for adults lmao

Using magic dumbass!!!?

Haven’t had an embarrassing experience in a while. Probably due for one. Ugh this next one’s gonna hit so hard I can just feel it.

I wish my PrEP came as chewy vitamin gummies I’d be eating them all day long 😔

First, they came for Grok. and I did not speak out because I was not Grok. Then they came from Elmo and I said nothing because I was not Elmo—

Why is JoJo Siwa singing like Carol Channing

Haha nice restlessnites.com/events/icanste…

Looking at other peoples’ phones on the train to make sure I’m checking mine right

I’m about to shit my pants at union square

I love those tiny little bottles of vodka. I always buy them and set them on my windowsill in the hopes that they’ll grow, but they never do.

Should I start reviewing snacks? I think this is a super original idea.

KAWS asked me to pose for one of his statues, so I referred to Kabbalistic doctrine to guide my decision. I had to clear my mind with some Trader Joe’s Gochujang Bang Bang ravioli and watch Hulu for three years before I decided to say yes. But when I called back… KAWS was dead.

I sacrificed my daughter for a KAWS statuette

Are these crocs for your penis?

They need to invent a me that’s fine

I think a spider just crawled out of my shorts 💕