conspiracy scholar
@rednecksluttt
summer is all about being dehydrated and feeling like shit and working outside under the heat of the blaring sun
I need a wife who loves me. And a model train kit. And a chrome desert eagle with pearl grips
locked my keys and phone in the car at the gas station but a good samaritan let me borrow his phone to keep tweeting
White bitch in Maine seen me walking out the gas station nd offered me 2 dollars nd some food 🤦🏾♂️ dam I gotta get my life together
ozzy and hulk in the same week... call your uncle who's been working on the same fox body mustang since 2003 and check in on him
i gotta go home before i start choking out someone’s meemaw
tourist putting their phone up a foot and a half away from my face and telling me to smile at 9:30am :) so brilliant :) im going to freak the fuck out :)
i just saw a woman so beautiful it made me want to kill myself
im convinced that if i try hard enough i can explode myself with my mind
150lb woman off 200mg caffeine and no breakfast vs 60,000lb schooner
blaming all of my problems on north west wind this week
i know it’s bad when Terry from the gas station says i look rough