race card driver

true love finds you in the stupidest possible way. thank u @adoptedhighway for twitter DMing me five years ago and changing my life and possibly the whole entire world

chatgpt: No, I 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 get it. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘭𝘺? You're 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 it, girl.

i’m gonna need you to recognize that spring is coming with a strawberry in the mouth

many of you are dating men who would not pass the marshmallow test

yeah i experimented with women in college. we would get together and inject autism into rats then make them drive little cars

omg persimmon is so pretty i wish this design was on my t-shirt !!!

diaspora arabs are kinda doing the same thing w pomegranates that diaspora south asians used to do with mangos and no one is brave enough to say it but me

whenever grown women call themselves “cool girls” to sell stuff it reminds me of that nathan for u episode where he sells that toy to little kids by calling it a big kid toy

it makes me kind of sad thinking about how taylor swift is gonna beat his ass when they get home :(

i was almost attacked by a dangerous jungle cat

the shining a novel is about how having writer’s block can make u murder ur entire family which explains why stephen king has written 65 books

nduja is about to be the next gochujang for ppl who search for "weeknight dinners" on nyt cooking you heard it here first

cain?

i’m growing out my wisdom tooth as a body mod of sorts

jacklinks guy has left his number on the jacklinks at the dep.. do u dare give him a call?

my boyfriend sleeps in a princess and the pea type of way

kintsugi

at the end of every night these two women run into each other rly rly fast and fuse into Taylor Swift

every day i do the wapo crossword during class in the third row of a tiered lecture hall so the judgement i feel from the people in the two rows behind me as i miss obvious clues lights an extra fire under my ass

of course you'd say that, Warren Oral Surgery