Michael Rainey
@mikerainey82
My new book, Terrible Advice for Lovers, is now available for pre-order. I have compiled a quarter century of love and sex wisdom and shoved it all into this lovemaker's bible. This book will teach you everything you need to know about romantic topics such as spoiling a woman…
I’ve been implementing chimp dominance traits ever since I got to Texas.
Bro why you gripping the shaman like that
I’m a fat 37 year old man and I’m hoping to become a professional comedian
Na’im will casually say ten of the funniest things you’ve ever heard during an hour car ride.
I got like 5 new jokes from my trip to Austin. Yall keep letting me do this comedy thing and ima be the funniest mf you ever saw on stage in no time
Got a Get In Some Head heater coming down the pike next week. #LightSwitchNation
A skill I have that will never make me any money is that I can instantly tell the race of a person inside of a costume.
A Chuck E. Cheese employee in full costume was arrested by Tallahassee officers for credit card fraud tallahassee.com/story/news/loc…
Oh you think Dave & Buster’s is fun? Well, they’re both dead and Buster killed himself.
Best live song performance ever.
🔥 KORN played their iconic set at WOODSTOCK '99 26 years ago today.
Benny Safdie is one of the great underrated movie retards.
Benny Safdie on "The Curse" Season 2: "There's ideas...Paramount is very different than when we started making it so if they want it, we're ready." #HappyGilmore2
How do you think they’re going to preserve The Rizzler?
Chet Holmgren reportedly won’t stop freestyling at a kids’ charity event, per sources
I always had a feeling Benson Boone was @ratboyjames
Benson Boone jumpscares during new moustache-free public appearance.
I’ve waited my whole life for this moment. While I may not be tall, dark, yoked, cool with the lord, wealthy, a homeowner or an athlete.. I have few streaming services, I love red meat and veggies, and I can kick kinda high if I stretch. I would beat your dad’s ass. Marry me 👰♀️🤵
I’m trying to get married delete my Instagram and become a housewife. I need a husband. He must be dark tall love God, Jesus Christ cause we have to be equally yoked and doing really good. Rich and athlete would be nice because I live a good lifestyle. I’m healthy yeah but if not…
Think we found the perfect spot for a killer Dad Meat Retard Meet Up in Austin. We’re due for a hang with the bros.
I’ll never forget the moment I got upgraded from Nintendo to Sega Genesis. Hearing the Altered Beast “RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE!” was electrifying.
I miss my sega and my Dreamcast… fuck. I’m gonna be one of those retro neckbeards now.. pray for me
Hate this shit man. Feel like I’m about to watch my wife and my side bitch fight.
Goddamn I miss NHL94. Gotta grab a Sega Genesis.
Who else is pulling off a move like this one? From one of the best sega players in the world, scribe99.
Come the fuck on lady…
When you see that my wife bought an extra watermelon after I told her @Naim__Ali is staying with us this weekend.
October 3rd gonna be returning to my hometown to beat some ass and @dru_montana47 is coming with me. Stoked for this one