Leon's Existential Cafe
@leonscafe31
Mental Health Counselor and writer, using ideas as medicine. Co-host of @seize_podcast. Blogger for @psychtoday.
Psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams writes, “The myth of human independence exists despite the fact that all people need each other. Psychotherapy does not make dependent people independent; it makes them able to more effectively use their natural dependence.” existentialcafe.blog/2023/10/11/the…
Guilt is powerful because it feels objective, as though some deity envelops us in it. Nancy McWilliams argued, “Those who suffer most in childhood usually suffer most as adults, and in scenarios that uncannily mirror their childhood circumstances.” psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
Nancy McWilliams wrote, “…self-defeating people live in a state of dread, almost always unconscious, that an observer will reject them for their sins. To combat such fears, they try to make obvious both their helplessness and their efforts to be good.” psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
Children may learn that they can easily affect a parent’s mood, which increases their sense of mastery, but they fail to gain a broader outlook. “How much have you really influenced the person who can’t contribute much to your life?” @PsychToday psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
McWilliams argued, “Those who suffer most in childhood usually suffer most as adults, and in scenarios that uncannily mirror their childhood circumstances.” The seemingly guilty one may cave, litigate, and ingratiate with the hope of life-altering insights.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
Guilt is powerful because it feels objective, as though some deity envelops us in it, and as it’s based on a sense of “That’s just the way things are,” which must remain unquestioned. One often strongly feels as though guilt could be overcome with activity.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
A child’s role in the relationship with a reactive parent is shaped by duty and thoughtfulness; a deviation could have catastrophic consequences. So, moral perfectionism becomes the blueprint for survival and meaning; each day marked by success or failure. psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
Where love isn’t, a sense of guilt tends to be. Our patients, the perfectionists, to be specific, tend to feel burdened by an inordinate and overwhelming amount of it. It would be fair to say that their lives are ruled by it. psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
To quote psychotherapist Moya Sarner, we at times "choose a safer life over a better life." I love that line but note that there's more to it. It isn't just failure that patients fear; they fear losing themselves. psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
1/ There is no substitute for a “good enough” childhood. None. Long-term therapy or analysis can be reparative - over time, and with willingness, one can get their stunted development back on track, or, at least understand where it derailed and learn to accept inherent
The core of perfectionism is the sense that one is a bad person, a state which one believes to be so extreme that it can only be remedied by an equally extreme one. Since “bad” is such a broad term, it encompasses many misdeeds. @PsychToday psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
Nancy McWilliams wrote, “…self-defeating people live in a state of dread, almost always unconscious, that an observer will reject them for their sins. To combat such fears, they try to make obvious both their helplessness and their efforts to be good.” psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
You can try to differentiate and delineate all you want. Conceptually, life is a fucking mess.
Perfectionists struggle with theory of mind, or the sense that others have their own standards for themselves and others. So, their ideals may differ from those of the perfectionist or, confusingly, they may not even take their own ideals too seriously. psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perfec…
“We might talk about something that is unacknowledged or unrecognized, rather than defended.” Superb!
My latest stack, on the confusions of the term “defense” in the context of sexual compulsivity. darrenhaber.substack.com/p/border-lines
I might have started a new blog... #FantasticFour fantasticfour.blog