Jon
@giftedrascal
My knob is the same size as a Greggs sausage roll. I'm no longer allowed in Greggs.
The vet told us that James needs to lose a bit of weight. We have to stop giving him treats. I've been feeling sorry for him & giving him treats in secret. Found out my wife has too. So James has been getting more treats than ever before
I remember being younger and feeling happy that I could wake up after a night out without feeling rough. Now I feel happy cos I've been food shopping and got back home before it got dark.
They swapped the colour of the salt and vinegar crisps with cheese and onion because big crisp knew that they weren't selling a lot of salt and vinegar and they wanted to trick us.
What's a conspiracy theory you believe with your whole heart?
Trump: "He has these think tanks. They build buildings for people that think."
Trump: "He has these think tanks. They build buildings for people that think."
Clearly that's bollocks
No kid remembers their best day in front of the TV.
I'm pretty good and sensible when it comes to giving advice. However, I'm also an idiot, I once did a little excited dance because I had an ice cream and I broke my toe and dropped the ice cream
When my dad was alive he'd send me shite jokes and pointless facts about stuff. He would have fitted right in on Twitter
had to unfollow a dog I like on instagram bc his owner started posting stuff abt her life that had nothing to do with the dog. stay in your lane dickhead
Gotten to the stage where I miss not having a dog to play with but I'm loving the fact that not every single item of my clothing is covered in dog hair.
Just saw this on Facebook. While I'm more than a bit bored of the Astronomer guy and his chick, always good to see these things Belfasted up.
I once mentioned that I didn't like the band Genesis and I got lots of replies from a fella who wore more denim than Jeremy Clarkson, telling me off & calling me a liar. Wouldn't leave me alone, like a Phil Collins Foie Gras.
Always tried to avoid the kids missing school for holidays, but just seen a brilliant deal for New York early next year. She'll miss 4 days of school but fuck it, she'll love it.
Learned a new food hack. You can get Mozzarella by just mashing a load of dairylee triangles together with your hands.
Yesterday it was so damn warm in the office. Today is shite, it's my fault for deciding to wear shorts
Most of my elderly relatives
What has gradually disappeared over the last 20 years without people really noticing?
I am absolutely here for dogs that are graduating at Keele University 😊❤️