Jake Milkshake
@bagmonsta
Mentally Handicapped. Alcoholic. Love my dog.
I like to get on treadmills next to women and instantly start sprinting to let them know I am an apex predator
No babe, the way you knew every single Youngboy lyric was so hot. Yep, all my friends definitely love you totally.
Watching the tea app crumble has been very satisfying, coming from a terrible person who was definitely on there
Rest in Peace big dog. On a side note it is now proven you can do infinite amounts of gear and cocaine and still make it to 70
Barstool will just have a guy named “Fat Tom” or some shit and he gets paid 100k to tell you to bet on the Red Sox or kill yourself
The hat man sent me on a quest so we can hangout for a bit longer #chillin
Just watched the first two episodes of succession. Damn should of started this earlier
Brita really the Joey Chestnut of water filters. Pure dominance. Runs the game. Never met anyone who has a different one
Apparently jerking it in the Burger King bathroom isn’t cool anymore
Your coworker IS HOT and they DO wanna have sex with you
your coworker is not hot they’re just within 10 feet of u 40 hrs/week
The large nose folk have played their counter to white boy summer. How will we respond? #hannukah
Oh your city has the worst traffic in the world? Yeah I bet dude
