Zack Bornstein
@ZackBornstein
Emmy-losing Writer/Director/Comedian (#Shrinking, @nbcSNL, #StrangePlanet, @Netflix, @Hulu, @Dreamworks, @JimmyKimmelLive, @NewYorker)
until the day I die I will never understand why he was even still allowed to run after this
If only there had been a way to know Trump was a sex criminal before he was elected besides reading the 800,000 sex crime lawsuits against him over the last 40 years
Still shocked the guy who bragged about sex crimes on a bus turned out to be on Epstein’s list
Saw my friend on the sidewalk volunteering for Greenpeace, walked up behind him, smacked his back and said, “Get a job, hippie” (he has a job). Guys, it was NOT my friend, and he did not get the joke. So I’m heading to the sea now with rocks in my pockets, and yes I donated a lot
“I did not have sex with a couch, I had sex with a couch’s cushions”
California’s losing its mind over ICE ... someone tell them it’s not in their oat milk.
California’s losing its mind over ICE ... someone tell them it’s not in their oat milk.
finally took stock photos for “guy who just beat psoriasis” and/or “guy who loves lactose-free yogurt”
i totally get it, it sucks when the known pedophile you helped elect isn’t grateful enough
but that’s their whole deal, that’s like america banning school shootings
JUST IN: 🇫🇷 France to ban smoking outdoors at most places, including beaches, parks, and near schools.
Michael J. Fox has returned to acting to star in ‘SHRINKING’ Season 3.
can’t imagine a worse last day on earth than meeting jd vance
And Adam said unto Eve: “Family”
Scientists at Princeton University have reconstructed this 3D model of how Adam, the first human being created by God, might have looked
The half an avocado I cut open and tried to save for later
This is now the most embarrassing thing JD has done on a couch
Wow, Vance and Trump are attacking Zelenskyy in the Oval Office
this goes out to all the haters who said i don’t have range
“Climate change will manifest as a series of disasters viewed through phones with footage that gets closer and closer to where you live until you're the one filming it.”
Video of the moment my friend and I abandoned his house after we tried to save what we could. Please be praying for him and his family @orlylistens Location: North of Rustic Canyon #cawx #PalisadesFire #fire #California
Instagram ads: Here’s the specific water bottle your were talking about yesterday and a sweater pre-selected in your favorite color 𝕏 ads: Here’s 9000 Cheech & Chong gummies and a promoted post from user TrumpsAmericaa420 that just says “the Jews”
To optimize good sleep before bed: -Take a hot bath -Get blackout curtains -Watch 200 4-second videos inches from your face -Practice deep breathing
does no one else remember that trump was already president and life was worse ??
can’t wait for the health department to be run by a guy who drinks his son’s blood and a guy whose brain is half eaten by worms
MAHA