Magnet Swallower

Oh shit oh fuck my bathrooms been bugged Call your gmen off government spies My poops are normal and not suspicious in anyway

New York accent: hey! I’m jelqing here!

Human sized blenders, when?

Me seeing a street fight: SUCK HIS DICK!

i go garbanzo on her bean until that chick pees

penis butter and jelqy sandwich

When I was younger I used to think I could blow smoke into the toilet right as I flushed and it would help with my bathroom not reeking of weed. It did not. My parents knew I was high AND thought I was taking massive far-too-frequent shits, due to excessive flushing

MY FIRST BEAT

You are quite yearnable, bro

*sigh 🙄* Anybody do this yet

A visibly nervous dog who can speak, but has a speech impediment, walking into a massage parlor: Do you offow… scwatches and wubs?

Knew I did a good job fingerblasting my fwb the other night when she started speaking Spanish “si si ohhh siiii” She is a white valley girl

I feel like I’m going to throw up (in a good way)

One of them is REALLY into butt stuff, the other not at all

Since banger means sausage in England I think when Americans use banger as slang they should say sausage instead. ie- this new 311 song is sausage Or Wow this hot dog is an absolute sausage

I bet sounding with Clippy would feel good af for both of you

*me checking the toilet before I flush and comparing it to the color wheel I keep next to my toilet*