Witharm Swidopen
@JaredWaves
If there’s a will there’s a way...to ruin it.
A large exporter of spinning shit (Alibi Idiris)
what happens here. you don’t hear from them that often
Think of how people from Boston say fart lmao. Who fahted?
My superpower is that length of my pee is in perfect indirect ratio with how soon I need to be somewhere.
Ok I owe a giveaway. So I’m giving away a pair of signed gloves. All you gotta do is like this for one entry and retweet it for a second entry. Winner will be picked Monday night. You do have to be following me to win so I can DM you. You can unfollow after that if you choose.
I absent-mindedly tipped 5 bucks at the soul food place on a pick up order. The woman saw me realize my mistake and keep my mouth shut, so she went back and got me probably $15 more food.
I love where I live so much lol. Never thought I’d be able to say that.
Women are okay with you touching them with permission. This is not that difficult to understand if you aren't a terminally online radical
How does Pedro Pascal get away with heavily petting his female costars, in Hollywood of all places, after the entire industry was upended over MeToo several years ago?
When you’ve never met a Cajun
Americans always freak me out when I see them just grab snakes without a care and then I remember you guys don't live in a place where your snakes can have 5-6inch fangs and their venom is measured in how many tens of adults they can kill.
Nobody is having a worse day than your 42 year old divorced coworker finding out you don’t care if bill clinton gets arrested.
the lambs:
I’m moving in so much silence rn btw.
I know a dude who spends hours a day pouring over his investments and crypto’s and has done so for years and so far he’s made 2000 dollars
Recently I have been spending time with the meanest woman that has ever been attracted to me. Rude, callous bitch any time I’m remotely nice. Will not leave me alone.
Everyone’s tablet at work is at 88% and mine is at 17% This is every day.
Being in your thirties is accepting the fact you will need to exercise regularly to maintain anything. Physique and sanity.
People in 1978 were like: "Yup, exactly what I was going for: all the colors a hibernating toad might experience on a drizzly November day in a hollow log."
Parking in the street when you have an empty driveway space is the Oregon version of backing your truck into a parking spot when you’re not an international superspy/drug runner/spec ops member
Saw superman at the drive in and it was great. Guy next to me must have been into it too because he got out of his car and watched the whole thing alone standing up fists clenched. I haven't seen that at the drive in before but it's one of the things you're allowed to do there