The Card
@JaggedAuthor
Creator of a depressing comic strip. Liver of a depressing life. Writer of depressing bios.
My mom's memorial service is today - exactly two weeks after she suffered a sudden cardiac episode that ultimately proved fatal. If there are people you care about, never pass up a chance to tell them. There may not be as many opportunities to do so as you think.
Think I would enjoy being crushed by a sliding wall at first
When you’ve mentally prepared yourself for a specific type of bad day but are instead presented with a wholly original bad day.
FYI, I'm willing to continue producing my stupid little comic strip for the next five years for one third of this sum.
Paramount has struck a 5-year deal worth $1.5B with 'South Park' creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone 💰 They’ll produce 10 new episodes per year (via @latimes)
I want to do a factory reset of my brain, but I’m afraid of losing all my passwords and semi-decent joke ideas.
If there's one thing this country doesn't lack, it's a lack of empathy.
okay lmao it came out more than i was initially told and it was just to get her on the wellness plan but like 🥲 i won’t mind if anyone wants to help!!
someone has a few ingrown nails and is pissed at me for putting her in a carrier so i could take her to the vet 🙃
A day late AND a dollar short? In this econo-- Actually, I guess that tracks.
I'm "unsuccessfully demanded a compensatory gift card for a misdelivered package" years old, apparently.
Good morning to everyone who’s still asleep and ONLY everyone who’s still asleep.
“Let’s get this party ENDEEEEED!!!” - Me arriving at any social function
My daily struggle is whether to heavily judge Jeep people with the 42 rubber ducks on their dashboard or if I just ignore it and let them live their lives.
Just noticed that I misspelled "impatient" in an earlier tweet, which is appropriate, given that I'm too impatient to read anything before posting.
