Eden Dranger
@Eden_Eats
short, millennial, TV and screenwriter, yente.
not sure what's longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone insisting it's hilarious.
Go out tonight? Ugh, no thanks, I paid my mortgage and I'm not letting that money go to waste.
Changed my thermostat from Fahrenheit to Celsius so I can pretend I'm vacationing in Europe.
Imagining Don Draper getting caught on a Jumbotron like once a month
The plan? 1. You marry a CEO 2. Wait for infidelity 3. Ensure infidelity happens on a Jumbotron 4. Divorce 5. Profit 💰
Me: I should go to bed Brain: OK, but let's not forget to worry about everything first!
Just won an argument by having a more adorable face than the other person.
I burped so loud at a restaurant that 3 people turned around in their seats like I was a contestant on “The Voice”.
Version 2.0 of my wild lil experiment: trading exclusive pics for rapid-response fundraising. This round supports disabled folks affected by the LA fires! No nudes- think Maxim circa 2000. Put your pants back on (or don’t) and visit OnlyPhilanthropy.com 🎀
I’ve been listening carefully for 20 years. Those menu options haven’t changed at all.
Thrilled to announce this slippery queen turned one today! 🎂
If you've got an dog laying on you, it's against the law for you to move until they do.
Completed ONE errand today so therefore I must reward myself with 7 hours of decompressing
*opens instagram* yep, everyone's life is still better than mine *closes instagram* *opens twitter* haha yes. my fellow trash bretheren.
I wanna be hot enough that someone uses my selfies to catfish somebody.