time:bombs quote bot

MIDLAND: What if it's a collapsing circuit? TELLER: Please. Less than 1% of bombs have collapsing circuitry. You really think that this- MIDLAND: It doesn't matter what I think! What matters is what we know. And you don't know that this thing doesn't have a collapsing circuit.

TELLER: Well... You don't enjoy it exactly. But think of it this way: the normal reaction to a bomb is to, you know, be scared of it, right? LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE IN THE CAR: Right. TELLER: Which, sure, sure. But as a bomb tech, you can't react that way.

MIDLAND: Yeah, let's talk about that. So I was thinking we could pop the trunk, and then take apart the- or you could just crawl under the car! Sure! No problem. Let's get the device right in your face. What could possibly go wrong?

RADIO BOB: So's the part about the Radio Bob Special! That's off the record too. SOBRERO: Sure...? RADIO BOB: I'm seeing if I can get that patented, I do not need the recipe going public. SOBRERO: Perish the thought.

TELLER: Ignition gets turned on, trigger goes off, fire flows down the line and into the gas tank. Not bad for an Anarcho-Punk Quickie.

TELLER: See, I want you to be making that up, but you said all of that really quickly- RADIO BOB: I am one-hundred per cent serious. MIDLAND: You really drink all of that? RADIO BOB: Twice a day, baby. MIDLAND: And yet he lives...

RADIO BOB: How could anyone actually hate Christmas? MIDLAND: No, that is not what- holy mother of God, Bob, what is that? RADIO BOB: The Radio Bob Special, of course!

TELLER: We are both professionals here, aren't we? MIDLAND: ... Yes. That is actually true. TELLER: It - yes. And, you know, in the spirit of being professionals- MIDLAND: The most professional-

POLICE OFFICER: False alarm. Custodian heard something weird from one of the lockers. He was a little jumpy, so he called it in. But turns out it was just a W-40. MIDLAND: (sotto to Sobrero) That's police code for a sex... aid.

TELLER: Honestly, the week after Christmas y'all become animals. Chill.

SOBRERO: So you actually... enjoy it? Staring down a bomb? TELLER: Officially? Nooooo. All the satisfaction I get comes from making my fellow citizens safer. SOBRERO: And... unofficially? Teller smiles

BODEGA GUY: (bit edgy) Sorry, guys. It's gonna be... just a few more minutes. RADIO BOB: No worries at all, my good man. You have to be willing to wait for perfection.

RADIO BOB: Uhh... Hold, please... Boss? There's a BEAT as Teller stares at his hands. TELLER: Yeah. We're doing this. RADIO BOB: Ummm, are you- MIDLAND: You heard the sergeant, Bob.

TELLER: You... brought us all the way out here... for a... a... MIDLAND: Well, we sure are glad to hear that, aren't we, Boss? What really matters, is that no one got hurt. TELLER: Yes... that is... very... very good. The fact that there isn't a bomb... is just-

SOBRERO: (unfazed) What's so funny? MIDLAND: Ignore them. They're just assholes. RADIO BOB: No, no, c'mon. Normal? Healthy?!

TELLER: I kind of got in Midland's face, and then he got in my face, and I was kind of waving my hands in the air, and then he waved his hands in the air, and... SOBRERO: Watch out! TELLER: And he accidentally, he assures me, knocked the scalding hot coffee all over my hands.

TELLER: You sort of... shuffle everything around in your mind. You... kind of emotionally squint at the thing that's scaring you until you're not scared, you're excited! MIDLAND: In professional circles, they call that Emotional Dysregulation.

TELLER: Radio Bob? You are hereby no longer Radio Bob. You're Number Two Bob now. RADIO BOB: (so many feelings) Oh, that's... that's... TELLER: Yes. It is. I'm gonna run support for you both, see if I can stop you from doing anything too stupid.

TELLER: UTTER CRAP! What is WRONG with these people?! How can they be so selfish?! Don't they ever think about how hard it must be for people like us?

MIDLAND: Yeah, let's talk about that. So I was thinking we could pop the trunk, and then take apart the- or you could just crawl under the car! Sure! No problem. Let's get the device right in your face. What could possibly go wrong?