WHO?
@soursillypickle
I’M JUST HERE TO MAKE YOUR DAY BETTER:)
My husband and I decided we don't want children. It was a difficult decision, but we're telling them tonight.
I NOW HAVE AN EPIPEN. MY FRIEND GAVE IT TO ME AS HE WAS DYING. IT SEEMED VERY IMPORTANT TO HIM THAT I HAVE IT.
A lot of women actually turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, watch out for turning women.
Drinking a large amout of water every day helps you avoid other people's drama because you're too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.
I told my wife I'd like to be cremated. She made an appointment for next Tuesday.
I think it's funny that they're now putting jokes on the back of bacon packages. Listen to this one: Serving Size: 2 slices
People who drive faster than me? Reckless lunatics. People who drive slower than me? Annoying cowards. And me? Perfect, as per usual
It's not my job to police the internet, but I just saw someone post a recipe for cauliflower cookies and I reported them for harmful content.
Remember, when you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so it is illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips.
A loan at a bank can take 30 years to pay off. If you rob a bank, you're out in 10 years. Follow me for more for more financial advice
If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for dinner, you are a terrible parent. I don't care how busy you are. Find the time to microwave them.
Me: do you have to poop? Toddler: no Me: are you sure? Toddler:
If you think fireworks are loud, try opening one of these late at night
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.