Sex Panther
@reformedlitbro
Zoomer, former literary critic; yuppie
My style of engagement bait is being a little bit vulnerable
I’m constantly meeting Dickensian 20 year olds who’ve lived a million lives, make money, and are in possession of truly innovative opinions. With zoomers it’s always either that or they have weed pen addiction
Asked my intern to play the Fortnite Thomas Pynchon for me while I’m out of office I’ll let you guys know what he says
It seems my mom has trouble understanding why it’s impossible for me to perform basic administrative tasks
Honestly I like it when I bite into a chip and the edge of it scrapes the roof of my mouth. I’ve spoken before on here about how I’m a masochist; it goes deep like that. I made it bleed once. What a rush
Had to yell at my girlfriend again today. Apparently it didn’t occur to her that you can’t flail around in the ocean screaming “help me” because there’s a piece of seaweed stuck on your foot
Today we’re holding space for people who go to Long Island for a week in the summer but not “out east”
In Jamaica again
Reading Madame Bovary off a spearmint Zyn at Queens County Civil Court like a model American civil citizen
Out of all the things in the world, it’s rare to see young women in New York City get as excited to talk about anything as they do for Erewhon. Fucking Erewhon. Scathing indictment of where we are as a culture
The unused storefront on my block is being transformed into a mystery business with the Brooklyn globohomo 2025 aesthetic

I just calculated a “modified z score” @yieldcurved words of affirmation please
Describing lightly homosexual behavior with my bros as “Melvillean”
My name is Standardized Poster. I’m 26 years old, I still listen to Death Grips, and I live in Ridgewood. The joy of riding a CitiBike across the bridge was stolen from me last summer when I was hospitalized on East Broadway one morning on the way to work.
Reasons I’ve been slapped by my girlfriend: - Referring to a cat as my wife - Calling her by her legal first name