Sensei⛩
@onume_
listen *drags cigarette* you don’t wanna tweet, kid *exhales* we already did all the jokes.
It's important to have two opinions in a relationship: Her opinion, and my opinion the one she ignores.
Pilato explaining to the Uganda Rugby coach how missing penalty kicks is part of the international experience😭🤣 Mbu it’s strategy
I only activate beast mode for colonial flashbacks 😂 🏉 someone refund me before I write a thread 😭🤣🤣🤣
You know that moment when you connect with someone and you feel alive? Avoid it. That's how love starts and i don't recommend it.
Where in our relationship does it say we have to share a plate of fries? I swear to God I'll stab you with a fork.
Whoever stole my shoes while I was on that bouncy castle needs to grow up.
She's not slow at texting, she's probably texting other guys who are more established in life than you. So be patient and wait for your turn
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? Church.
bumped into a guy from school at bar who now works at the president's office & when he asked“what are you upto?” I said“just getting a beer”
If you wake up in the morning & yesterday's pants still have the belt in them, they automatically become today's pants. That's undebatable.
Whenever I see a thin person jogging I feel like hugging, tightly holding him/her and whisper... it's ok, you're not fat. Calm down.. GOD!!!
Guys, you're not allowed to tell a woman who's mad at you to calm down. That's not how they're wired. You're probably opening a can of bees.
I just want to thank everyone from the university, i saw in public this year who silently agreed to pretend we didn't notice one another.
Burglars are probably the only people that take everything personal without taking anything personal. It's just business
"Hey, wanna lie to each other over cups of coffee?" - First dates
2024 what a year! If you don't wish me a happy birthday today. I'll take it that we're not the fake internet friends I thought we were.