Online Alarm Clock

Me after trying to save money by just cutting off the green, moldy parts from my sandwich bread 🥪

I found a hole in my favorite trainer that's big enough to put my finger through. But...one complaint from her, and I'll be banned from the gym

My job is working as a regional distributor for Hostess Snack Cakes. I don't like to brag, but...I've got Ho-Hos in dozens of different area codes

Trouser Tsunamic Time ? 🩲💨💨

I see you, Skynet 👁

A friend has sex 3-4 times a week, works out every day and reads two books a week. Still...he constantly complains about prison

What do you call the hair between your Grandma's tits ? Her vagina

I spent many hours trying to attach a faucet to a donkey. Yeah, I...tapped that ass all night

Secret Spock Sensuality Time ? 🦶🦶😲

Hear about the Ventriloquist who said he could use a live Donkey as a puppet? Turns out...he was just talking outta his ass

BREAKING: Vampires everywhere are trading in their "undead" status in order to "take a permanent and immediate dirt nap." They cite "the incredibly creepy current timelines" as their reason why.

What's Chewbacca's favorite brand of beer ? Milwookie's Best

'We don't serve Time Machines.' So, a Time Machine walks into a bar…

Stinky Science Fiction Time ? 🚀🚀😲

Have you heard about this new LEGO prostitute in our town ? She's got...Customers lined up for blocks

What do you call a fat kid with 3 teeth and a lazy eye ? Names

I threw some of my poo at a professional soccer player. Shit got Messi

Squirter Surprise Time ? 💦💦😱

What do Parsley and Pubic hair both have in common? You just push them aside..and keep on eating

Actual video of my Butt, 5 minutes after eating 3 extra spicy Chimichangas 🫔🫔🫔🔥