Old Man Rattle

is that dick good bitch? yeah bitch, thats autistic dick

my nana cursed me with a forbidden incantation and now i have the bubonic plague

i’m not forcing you to do anything but i’d be really disappointed if we didn’t

there should be vending machines for weed and pills

buying weed from a vending machine in downtown north korea

let’s meet up in real life and fuck just kidding

beating my autistic son because he used a semicolon wrong

sneaking the alexa into my room and talking dirty to her

i wish my wife was fully asian and not half asian

saying clever girl to the cashier at mcdonald’s when she opened the register

deleting a tweet with a typo because it didn’t make any sense at all

don’t cough on my nike tech bruh this thing was like a hundred dollars

pretending i’m in a movie at juvenile court

playing angry birds full volume at the parent teacher conference

take this pill bro it will make you into a fortnite skin

my stepdad says no more singing songs about killing barney

i hate you you hate me let’s get together and kill barney

naming my son billy mexican

nana put the chives on my baked tater

my nana doesn’t like it when i go beast mode at church

my teeth are neon green because i only have mello yello for every meal