God Empress of Mankind

No I will not stop playing the same game for the 47th time, this is called "coping" and it’s a cornerstone of the human experience.

That moment when the AI companion walks directly into your line of fire and then has the nerve to scream "HEY, WATCH IT!" I will reload just to do it again.

"Game of the Year Edition" is wild because the game launched broken, flopped, got patched, and now you’re trying to gaslight me with confidence.

NPC: "Thank you, hero. You’ve saved the village." Me: loots their house, steals a spoon, sets the curtains on fire

Game: "You can approach this encounter in multiple ways." Me: ignores stealth, dialogue, and traps, sprints in screaming with a frying pan

Love when a game tells me I’m the Chosen One and then lets me get slapped to death by a rat in the tutorial zone.

Me: I’m going to play this game differently this time Also me: makes same moral choices, same romance, same class, same haircut

I don’t min-max. I max-vibe. If my stats suffer because I wanted my mage to wear a silly hat, that’s between me and God.

Triple-A devs be like: "How do we make this game feel 'next-gen'?" Someone: "Depth?" Them: "No. Ray tracing on the puddles."

"Playable on day one" is now a feature. That’s how low the bar is.

Imagine telling someone in 2007 that in the future, you’d pay $70 to beta test a game and then thank the devs for patching it six months later.

I do not play stealth games. I play games where I try to stealth for 5 minutes, panic, then turn into John Wick.

Video game trailers in 2025: • Sad piano cover of 2000s pop hit • “From the studio that brought you disappointment” • Fog • Jump scare of the Unreal Engine logo

Gaming keyboard: $200 Headset: $150 Chair: $400 Monitor: $600 Me, playing Stardew Valley and crying in my little pixel kitchen: priceless

The Emperor is pleased.

Modern game dev cycle: > Announce game too early > Crunch employees into paste > Release broken mess > Apology.jpg > Lay off 200 people > Profit?

Is it bad that Ozzy Osbourne died and my first thought was, "How is KingCobraJFS gonna take this?" Like genuinely concerned for that man’s emotional state.