NewsThump

@newsthump

Former blue check. Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot. @[email protected]

London

Joined February 2009

3KFollowing

58KFollowers

Pinned

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 22

NEWS! UK to continue selling weapons to Israel after Israeli government 'pinky promises' not to use them on people queuing for aid newsthump.com/2025/07/22/uk-…

newsthump's tweet card. The UK government has announced that it will continue its robust arms sales to Israel, following a landmark ‘pinky promise’ ceremony that assured British officials of the Israeli govern…

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · 17 h

You gonna eat that? The perfect beach-wear for those who will happily help you annihilate that snack. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/lWMEltu

newsthump's tweet image. You gonna eat that? The perfect beach-wear for those who will happily help you annihilate that snack. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here &gt;&gt;&gt; buff.ly/lWMEltu

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · 23 h

NEWS! Jeremy Corbyn's new political party to be called 'Britain Last' newsthump.com/2025/07/25/jer…

newsthump's tweet card. Jeremy Corbyn has announced the name of his new political party this morning, pledging that it encapsulates everything he has spent his career fighting for.

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · 24 h

So, will Ghislaine Maxwell meet with an unfortunate grisly end, OR, will she find herself on the receiving end of a miraculous Presidential pardon after finally remembering (and publicly stating) that Trump wasn't anywhere on the Epstein client list? Place your bets...

291

8.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 25

NEWS! News editors encouraged to update their Ghislaine Maxwell obituaries after Trump's Justice Department makes contact buff.ly/fgHsIQB

newsthump's tweet card. News editors across the globe have been urged to dust off and quietly update their “Ghislaine Maxwell Found Dead” pre-written obituaries, following news that Donald Trump’s Justice Depa…

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 24

NEWS! Hulk Hogan loses one last fight against the Undertaker newsthump.com/2025/07/24/hul…

newsthump's tweet card. Star of ring and screen Hulk Hogan has lost that last fight against an Undertaker we all must face.

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 24

NEWS! Asteroid 2025 OW set for near-miss with moron-infested planet buff.ly/28cjLsm

newsthump's tweet card. Asteroid 2025 OW looks set to dramatically survive a near-miss with ‘Earth’, a planet well-known for carrying dangerously high levels of morons.

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 24

I didn't attend the Farage Riots because I'm not a gullible simpleton. Get your T-shirt here >>> buff.ly/iRdpqkE

newsthump's tweet image. I didn't attend the Farage Riots because I'm not a gullible simpleton. Get your T-shirt here &gt;&gt;&gt; buff.ly/iRdpqkE

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 24

NEWS! Please stop calling them the ‘Farage Riots’, demands man behind the Farage Riots buff.ly/2mrNJji

newsthump's tweet card. Nigel Farage has demanded people stop referring to nationwide anti-immigrant far-right disturbances as the Farage Riots, insisting it is an unfair characterisation based on nothing more than him lo…

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 24

NEWS! Who amongst us hasn't accidentally invited a paedo sex trafficker to their wedding? insists Donald Trump newsthump.com/2025/07/24/who…

newsthump's tweet card. President and walking deposition machine Donald Trump has hit back at critics questioning his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein after it emerged the convicted sex trafficker attended his wedding to…

2.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 23

🚨 BREAKING: Capitalism Strikes Again! 🚨 NewsThump is REDUCING prices by 10% for all loyal social media followers (and the not-so-loyal ones) 🛒 Use coupon code XJULY10 at checkout for 10% off EVERYTHING here >>> buff.ly/ldLyeJr

newsthump's tweet image. 🚨 BREAKING: Capitalism Strikes Again! 🚨

NewsThump is REDUCING prices by 10% for all loyal social media followers (and the not-so-loyal ones)

🛒 Use coupon code XJULY10 at checkout for 10% off EVERYTHING here &gt;&gt;&gt; buff.ly/ldLyeJr

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 23

NEWS! No-one sure if plans made for 'next Friday' are for 'this Friday' or 'the one after' newsthump.com/2025/07/23/no-…

newsthump's tweet card. An arrangement to meet for a drink ‘next Friday’ has left many potential attendees confused as to which Friday. Simon Williams used his Whatsapp group at the weekend to see if anyone fa…

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 23

NEWS! Man who continues to call women's football ‘boring’ somehow missed Lionesses' last-gasp equaliser, extra-time winner newsthump.com/2025/07/23/man…

newsthump's tweet card. A local man who insists that women’s football is “boring” has, quite miraculously, managed to miss every single thrilling moment of England’s jaw-dropping Euro 2025 semi-final victory over Italy.…

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 23

NEWS! Ozzy Osbourne devastated as enthusiastic Jesus welcomes him into heaven newsthump.com/2025/07/23/ozz…

newsthump's tweet card. Reports from the afterlife this morning have suggested that Ozzy – renowned Prince of Darkness – has been admitted to heaven against his will.

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 22

NEWS! Keith Richards undergoes The Quickening newsthump.com/2025/07/22/kei…

newsthump's tweet card. With the death of another other rock star in Ozzy Osborne, Keith Richards has absorbed his power and knowledge to become all-powerful.

2.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 22

NEWS! Sharon Osborne wondering if she can still squeeze one more performance out of Ozzy newsthump.com/2025/07/22/sha…

newsthump's tweet card. Sharon Osborne is wondering if her husband might have another performance in him despite being dead, it has emerged.

3.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 22

We will remember them. Celebrate the media that almost certainly played a big part in your formative years! Get yours with free UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/43XHPKH

newsthump's tweet image. We will remember them. Celebrate the media that almost certainly played a big part in your formative years! Get yours with free UK delivery here &gt;&gt;&gt; buff.ly/43XHPKH

2.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 22

Conspiracy Theories - most of them are very dumb indeed. Get your T-shirt with FREE UK delivery here >>> buff.ly/bSjsbi2

newsthump's tweet image. Conspiracy Theories - most of them are very dumb indeed. Get your T-shirt with FREE UK delivery here &gt;&gt;&gt; buff.ly/bSjsbi2

1.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 22

NEWS! Nigel Farage pledges to reduce crime by decriminalising racism buff.ly/kwPBubY

newsthump's tweet card. Reform UK leader Nigel Farage has unveiled his party’s latest plan to tackle crime in Britain by simply ensuring lots of things are no longer illegal – starting with racism.

2.0K

NewsThump@newsthump · Jul 21

As the "inhumane killing" of civilians continues, it's hard not to think the lessons history tries to teach us are being completely ignored...

newsthump's tweet image. As the "inhumane killing" of civilians continues, it's hard not to think the lessons history tries to teach us are being completely ignored...

115

5.0K