ned!

Forever grateful that i got to hit a belligerent customer with “you want to speak to my manager? I am the manager” at least twice before leaving retail

Uh,

Being a tall woman whose friends are all 5’3

yeehaw baby 🤠

$500 to whoever can find me this shirt

She sodium on my glutamate till i got mono

oomf let me borrow his car and i parked it like such an asshole

There’s a man on my train who could be a cousin or slightly fucked up clone of @skooookum and he is drinking from a gallon jug of chocolate milk. It’s 9am

I’m supposed to melt butter in a doible boiler? lol have you met my good friend Michael Wave

Cleaned exactly 20% of the apartment and rewarded myself by lying on the couch with my tits out and listening to glass animals

Incredible insight on the average net worth of boob guys compared to butt guys

I had an engaged 1:1 conversation for 2 hours with your mom last night

I wake up in my beautiful apartment full of everything i could ever need with a loving man and two sweet, cuddly pets and you expect me to get on the train and go to work???? You want me write emails in an office????