Nate Postlethwait

Never underestimate a cycle breaker. Not only did they face years of generational trauma, but they stood in the face of that trauma and said “This ends with me.” This is brave. This is powerful. This comes at a significant cost. Never underestimate a cycle breaker.

The anger that keeps coming back has healing behind it. The grief over wishing things were different has peace behind it. The fear that you aren’t enough has growth behind it. We can’t resolve what we don’t name, and process and then release to find a new way-a new day.

Just because a person knows and understands the extent of their own trauma, does not mean they want to share it. These stories create physical and emotional demands. There’s a cost to them remembering.

If you’re reading this, someone wants you to know that every time you’ve felt out of place in the world was because you didn’t have the proper support in a vulnerable moment. It is not because you don’t belong. You matter even on the darkest days. You’ve always mattered.

When you know someone who has lost an abusive parent, the best way to support them, is to be willing to learn from them. Please don’t assume you understand the complexity.

If you're healing from trauma & you try to "Forgive & forget," or "Just think positive," you're going to delay healing & fuck up your alignment. Trauma is stored energy. You can't tell it how it feels-it tells you. These messages above are for fairytales. Healing needs reality.

It is pointless to validate a person’s pain, when that person unapologetically continues to hurt others and says it’s because they’re in pain.

Feeling sorry for an abusive person is not compassion-it’s enabling. Asking those who were hurt to consider their abusers past is not understanding-it’s enabling. Putting the wellbeing of an abuser before the healing of who they’ve hurt is not healing-it’s enabling.

Growth is recognizing when they didn't misunderstand you, but felt power by you feeling misunderstood.

The people invested in your growth and well-being will feel secure and appreciative when you place boundaries with them.

Wanting the apology is normal. But, when its trauma you are healing from, their apology is about you and them. How the trauma is stored in your body is between you and you. Be careful. Protect that.

I hope you find peace for the things your family deny happened.

Instead of asking the survivor of horrific trauma if they’ve forgiven their abuser, ask the abuser how they can continue living with themselves after altering a persons life through violence. If you think this post is about forgiveness, you’ve missed the point.

It’s so hard after experiencing abuse to understand a person’s pursuit of you. Our bodies tend to be overly protective, while our heart longs to experience something new. Be patient with yourself (and others) here. What happened was real. Patience and understanding is the way.

If they chose not to support you when you needed it, please choose to ignore their input on how you heal from it.

Your body isn’t weak because it responds to triggers. It’s remembering.

People don’t need to understand your boundaries in order to not cross them. They understood when you said “No” and that is enough. People who continually hurt you and pretend they don’t understand, will understand best when they no longer have access to you.

Be the person who tells the younger kid in you that they didn't deserve it. See their vulnerability. Name their confusion. Hear what they thought about themselves after it happened. Then, hold them and their memory close-so tight, that the shame and the lies get squeezed out.

Here is a list of all the times when defending a perpetrator helped heal the people they hurt: 1). 2). 3). 4). 5).

There are people who will always remind you of mistakes you made, and never acknowledge the ways you've grown from them. They are doing this because your growth makes them feel small. These are not your people.