Mister Leslie

Stardate 5921.8 I got new contact lenses and the captain immediately stranded me on delta vega

Stardate 5918.9 I can’t drive the shuttlecraft columbus because it’s stick shift

Stardate 5917.3 I asked if I could switch my uniform to command gold but when they gave me the tunic it looked green

Stardate 5915.7 I asked yeoman lisa what she thought about me buying her a ring and she said it would be less than a marriage and also less than a betrothal

Stardate 5913.4 I can’t figure out where all the windows on this ship are

Stardate 5910.2 I was vacuuming the bridge today and made everyone laugh by taking the extension cord and pretending to be mr. kelso

Stardate 5908.9 I wore my hair down around my shoulders especially for khan but he didn’t even notice

Stardate 5905.7 how come starfleet recognizes all the major holidays but won’t let me celebrate the red hour

Stardate 5901.2 there was a problem with the transporter and I tried inverse phasing and cross circuiting to ‘b’ but in the end I just turned the console off and on and that fixed it

MISTER LESLIE. Sorry this account has been quiet of late… I hope to return with more excerpts from the log of this most famous redshirt soon. THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND

Stardate 5871.9 I got captured by the proconsul who asked me if I wanted some last hours as a man and when I said yes he told me to take out the trash and recyclables

Stardate 5863.9 I walked by lt. uhura in the corridor and told her she was just thinking of someone like me and now I have a harassment entry on my starfleet record

Stardate 5762.4 I remember one time I asked captain pike why he didn’t have colorful lights on the enterprise like we do and he said beep

Stardate 5759.2 it turns out the tarsus iv colonists still had nine hundred pounds of canned beets they could’ve been eating but they preferred that kodos execute them instead

Stardate 5756.2 I can’t decide if I want to play fizzbin or double jack tonight

Stardate 5754.7 I asked the captain if I could get a promotion to transporter technician or security chief but he said the only position that was open was the captain’s woman

Stardate 5751.9 I accidentally spilled coffee on the helm today and the captain said if I mess up one more time he’s assigning me to the ion pod for a month

Stardate 5748.1 we landed on an alien planet today and I can tell something bad is going to happen because of all the dry ice

Stardate 5742.3 I was having a problem in the bathroom today and the captain put the ship on brown alert