Middle Age Riot
@middleageriot
Jokes by John Hartzell. He/him.
"These documents prove my innocence? They must never see the light of day." - no innocent person ever
TODAY'S ENGLISH LESSON: PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE TENSE PAST: Donald Trump was a pedophile. PRESENT: Donald Trump is a pedophile. FUTURE: Donald Trump will be a pedophile.
"May every day be another wonderful secret." - Donald Trump to Jeffrey Epstein, like any guy to another guy he barely knows
The same people who obsessed over a tan suit, a private email server, and an autopen are strangely indifferent to the possibility that their president raped children.
Of course, Jeffrey Epstein had a client list. If he didn't write that stuff down, he would've had to memorize it. In that case, the only way to keep it from coming out would be to kill Epstein in prison, and you'd have to be the president or something to pull that off. Oh.
BELOW: Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein just hoaxing around.
UNFUN FACT: The paste-eating, nose-picking, lunch-stealing, fart-lighting, animal-torturing racist troglodytes who used to sit in the back of Health class and giggle stupidly are now in charge of everything.
Donald Trump fell asleep at an energy conference because of course he did.
These hacks are letting Donald Trump dismantle the Department of Education so future generations won't be smart enough to know how corrupt they were.
In 1944, a Nazi would have said these guys were suffering from Hitler Derangement Syndrome.
BREAKING: Elon Musk is integrating Grok AI into the navigation system of every new Tesla, allowing them to drive unassisted to the nearest Klan meeting.
What's the difference between Merrick Garland and cholesterol? Cholesterol could still finish the job.
SHOWN: The guy who could release the Epstein files anytime he wanted and the guy he had killed.
FLASHBACK: One year ago today, this was staged, I mean happened.
What are children supposed to think when the president of the United States routinely says and does things that would get them sent to the principal's office or a juvenile detention center?
Imagine thinking your leader is the ultimate alpha male but still having to use AI so he doesn't look like a pile of orange and shit sherbet.
