Sir Jeff Samuals KC BA MS MiG AK

This week I sat down with the Spectator and discussed with Toby Young, David Collier and Arsey Ostrovsky my views on racism and how Diane Abbott has no idea what she is talking about and actually Bald men get it worse and unlike her, we can't escape it

Many people have been asking why Ozzy Osbourne invited me to the Swiss hospital, and it's because he wanted me to make an amendment to his will so that all his money and assets go to Palestine Action, in the words of Ozzy "Palestine Action will be free, Inshallah"

I was at Ozzys bedside in the swiss hospital, and the last words he said to me were, "From the River to the sea, Gaza will be free... Free, Free Palestine"

People say that Israel has a lobby that pays people to say nice things about them and support their genocide. However, I can say that there is, in fact, no lobby, Israel is a nice country, and killing children makes them sad. This statement is unconnected to my new Morris Minor

I was at the Spectator Summer Party last night drinking some pimms and talking with Gabriel Pogrund when the news came through about Sultanas new party and I turned to Gabriel and said "I bet Corbyn is furious he didn't announce it" everyone guffawed and cheered

"I convinced western leaders to drag their countries into a third world war to protect my right to commit genocide."

is this real??

It’s June 2025 and I’ve just been refused earwax removal treatment from @Specsavers because of being HIV+ (despite explaining that I’m undetectable and what that means which should be common knowledge to those in such a profession). Stigma never ends. I WILL be taking it…

On yesterday's Bore and Order Podcast (season 20, episode 647), i made a statement that killing children is wrong, in hindsight I realise this was wrong and insensitive to those who enjoy killing children and I'd like to apologise to Oberman and Marsan for upsetting them

I see Corbyn has sent his Eastern European twinks after Starmer again bbc.com/news/articles/…

I will find who did this and ensure they face the full fist of the law

When will Corbyn apologise for all the damage he has done to the Labour Party and allowed Reform to win the election

The toy that will be the craze this summer

I have heard from, let's say, very reliable sources that since Starmer got elected, he has been shutting dogging sites and boarding up glory holes across the country. These are Great British institutions, next thing you know, he'll be burning woods porn

I have heard rumours circulating that Eyup Lovely is actually a middle-class grifter, as a middle-class grifter myself, I will happily represent him for a small fee if he chooses to sue these mindless, jealous, corbynites for the slander and libel they are throwing at him

Happy to hear that kids are dressing up as me today after the success of my book "Bore and Order: the inside story"