Ami｜Love & Attachment Healing

i was the quiet kid. i learned to make myself small so no one would get hurt. especially my mom. especially from my dad. he loved me i never doubted that. but he yelled. insulted. scared me. and when i finally fought back once, he hit me. and i froze. i never…

trauma isn’t always flashbacks sometimes it’s how your body survived you laugh in serious moments because showing sadness got you punished you freeze when voices get loud because escaping once made it worse you apologize constantly because reading the room was life or death…

you know he’s probably just texting a friend. you want to believe that. but suddenly your stomach drops. and now you’re checking his socials. reading silence like it’s a warning sign. you hate how fast your brain runs. how small you feel after. how needy. but you’re not crazy.…

i don’t yell. i don’t beg. i don’t even cry. i just pull back. pretend i’m fine. like nothing hurts. people think that means i’m cold. but the truth is i’ve just never known what it’s like to say “i’m not okay” and not feel like a burden. so now i keep it quiet. not because it…

sometimes i don’t even know what i feel. i just go quiet. check out. pretend i’m fine. not because nothing hurts but because i never learned what to do when something did. when i cried as a kid, it got ignored. or punished. or turned into someone else’s problem. so now when i…

it’s easy to call it “trust issues.” but sometimes it’s just a body that learned to stay alert. because being relaxed never kept anything from falling apart. so yeah, you check their phone. not because you think they cheated. but because your chest won’t unclench until you know…

they're not just hot. you're not just nervous. they’re seeing you. and some part of you still thinks you’re not worth being seen. for some of us, being wanted feels like being exposed. like someone’s looking too close at something we still feel ashamed of. so we flinch. freeze.…

when i was little, i’d get home and try to guess are they laughing today? or not speaking? or slamming doors again? so i got good at reading moods. too good. always bracing. now even when he’s soft with me, something in me flinches. like i’m waiting for…

i asked for this. the love. the calm. the “i’m here to stay.” so why do i feel like running? why do i say things i don’t mean, just to see if he’ll stay anyway? maybe because growing up, love came with shouting. with leaving. with silence that hurt more than words. so…

every time someone says "i love you," my body braces. not because i don’t want to hear it. but because part of me still thinks: “what if this is the last time?” i hate that i test people. say cold things. pull away just to see if they’ll stay. but when love used to end without…

your partner’s sad and you think it’s a mood swing but they’re just emotionally gone in a fight with someone else that’s not you not all cheating is physical sometimes it’s who they vent to who they laugh with who sees their soft parts when you’re left guessing “did i do…

long term relationships ain't about “no problems” they're about surviving the real ones. you gon meet their inner child. the scared one. the defensive one. the part that learned love can disappear if they mess up. and they gon meet yours too. so it’s not just about “love” it’s…

sometimes i ask for reassurance and then push it away the second it comes. not because i think they’re lying just… something in me doubts they meant it. like maybe they’re just saying it to calm me down. that’s the trap with this kind of attachment. you want to feel safe so…

sometimes anxious attachment doesn’t look anxious. it looks like: “why haven’t they replied yet?” “are they with someone else?” “did i say too much?” but that spiral you get stuck in it’s not drama. it’s fear. when love kept vanishing without warning, your nervous system…

jealousy isn't always about control. sometimes it’s about fear. fear that you’ll be replaced. forgotten. left behind without warning. especially if you grew up feeling like love could vanish at any moment, your nervous system will panic at anything that feels like a…

i never meant to push you away. i just didn’t know how to be close without feeling like i might disappear. when you’ve spent your whole life being too much, too emotional, too sensitive you start shrinking before anyone asks you to.

i act distant when all i want is to be close. i joke around so no one sees how much i care. i say “it’s fine” when it’s not. not because i’m manipulative. but because being honest never felt safe.

every time he says something sweet my brain whispers: “ok but how many times has he said that before?”