p
@hatguy42
you will take me seriously
Me: *typing on twitter* need a girl that lets me use her as a napkin😳😳 #greasegetter My gf: *laying next to me and looking over at my phone* 👀
*freestyling over audiosoave instrumentals at the karaoke bar* But that girls so nifty🎶and I’m feelin so thrifty!🤩
Can’t lie to y’all. I thought this one would do numbers. Upon further speculation,, I see why it didn’t 😔
Hibachi chef: you want a shrimp?!👨🍳 My gf: yes yes yes!! *he starts throwing them in her mouth, she’s missing every one* The devil on my shoulder: she is GOING to fuck him. Put your palm on the grill The angel on my shoulder: honestly I got nothing to add here he nailed it
(dont have any current qualms with life voice) a bag of Raisinets would cure me rn😳
Me: A couple mistakes are salvageable. But you’ve fucked me here, man. They’re filling up the shelves. People are buying this. Pack your things, you’re through. Cap’n Crunch: I don’t even pour the berries- Me: I said OUT!!
Been seeing a lot of these “just heard a teen tell his friend” posts on my TL lately.. *realizing I finally have an excuse* am I not hanging around enough teens?👀👀
Just heard a teen tell his friend, “Yo, raw diamonds are worth NOTHING right now bro.” Friend responded “I don’t care”
Just imagining him sitting in the Oval Office holding his android in both hands watching this and leaning back more and more after every video lol. “The people have to see this…”
Donald J. Trump Truth Social 07.20.25 06:41 PM EST