General Jonathan Winters
@genjonwinters
"If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it"
I got a new hearing aid. It’s so good, I can hear a pin drop… in China!
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy, and I said I want a second opinion. He said, okay, you’re ugly too.
When you wear so many hats in society, you never know who you are. That's the beauty of it. Because once you find out who you are, you're screwed.
I have a photographic memory; I just haven't developed it yet.
God is in my head, but the devil is in my pants.
They're about to start the show where I'm at. Burgers, fries, fireworks. 🇺🇸
THE MERICA POSTING WILL CONTINUE
Enjoying his Maui Wowie.
Can you explain what the sea turtle is doing?!!
Johnny Reb stole my joke.
"THE ARISTOCRATS!!" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
“I got a hog I’m real proud of. Name’s Porkchop. I trained him to fetch my slippers… problem is, he ate ‘em. Now he’s workin’ on the couch. You ever try to get upholstery out of a pig’s teeth? It’s like negotiatin’ with a vacuum cleaner!”
