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@elainesim28
ℓαυgнтєя ιѕ тнє вєѕт мє∂ι¢ιηє. σя ωιηє….ιт мιgнт вє ωιηє 🍷 ιƒ уσυ ηєє∂ α gιggℓє,gινє υѕ α ƒσℓℓσω.
My daughter told me there is a small get together at school on Friday. I asked her, "How small?" She replied, "Just you, me, and the principal.
Took the kids to the zoo last week.... Going back this week to see how they settled in!
I once sold security alarms door to door. If no one was home, I'd leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
Marriage is understanding that your partner will spend 54 minutes looking for a movie to watch, just to fall asleep 13 minutes into the movie.
Turn any sofa into a sofa bed by telling your wife to calm down !
They say one glass a day is good for you. They never said how many times to fill it🍷
Wedding vows should include….. "Do you promise to always help him find his stuff that is right in front of him" because you will be doing that forever.
Research shows that laughing for 2 minutes is just as healthy as a 20 minute jog. So, now I'm sitting in the park laughing at all these joggers.
If you want to get out and change the world, better do it while you’re single, because once you get married, you can't even change the TV channel.
I'm gonna quit my job and travel the world until I run out of money! I estimate I'll be home again around 10 PM this evening…
Age 12: Fell off my bike at high velocity onto a gravel road, biked 5 miles back home with a broken arm. Age 50: Used wrong pillow, back was nonfunctional for 2 days!
I wanna eat 5 meals a day. Who decided 3? The same person who came up with the 2 day weekend? Fucking loser.
Drinking at home instead of the bar isn't working out. I almost asked my husband for his phone number.
I went for a run but came back after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot I'm out of shape and can't run for more than 2 minutes.
My Mam was cleaning out their drinks cabinet and offered me a bottle of Vodka they've had for ages. I had to say no because I know it's 90% water from me stealing it when I was a teenager.
Did sticking your middle finger up at people,did it kinda go away ?🖕🏻😂
If you’re missing Garron … The word c@@t doesn’t really have the same baggage in Ireland as it does in other countries 😂
