dolo

“Any Phantasm fans in the building tonight?”, I began, hoping for at least a solitary woo of acknowledgement. Silence. Silence of the heavy kind. The crushing kind. I nervously looked down at my cue cards of Phantasm material. It was gonna be a long 5 minutes

Imagine driving 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 mph through a school zone

This seems nice on the surface but if he really respected his mystery wife he would've been guarded and vague about her

The little twirl your food does for you in the microwave is so slutty

A coward unalives a hella times, a brave man only finna unalive once

The cold shoulder I've been getting at my new job is baffling. How can my co-workers not like 'The Funmeister'? It feels like my madcap antics are wasted on these people

There's a number of things to consider when buying footwear but the most fundamental question a man has to ask himself is what if I were exploded, are a smoking pair of these the last image of myself I want the world to see?

A lot of my friends snigger at my interest in meditation but I dont care. I earnestly believe that one day I will be able to send my body to the store while my consciousness stays at home

Watching your pet lizard sun itself on your pet rock is what being a lizard/rock owner is all about. As a pet experience its second only to discovering your dog has latent basketball skills

The reason German has a specific word for everything is because of how unpleasant a language it is to listen to. People want to get through saying stuff as quickly as possible

I want to U-boat Sydney Sweeney

Politics is a corrupting force and some things are so precious they should always be kept out of its sphere. No-one should be politicising Sydney Sweeney's big beautiful tits

Don't cry because it's over. Cry because the woke moral scold can't understand why the winged serpent is a volatile element

I need something new to exclaim when Mr. Birchum owns a woke sjw bluehair. A groyper I respect told me "huzzah" was yiddish

Richard Hanania isn't a bad guy he just has resting demonic entity face

MDE didn't die, it crystallized, and out of that chrysalis emerged a beautiful butterfly known as Mr. Birchum

I was going down on a vaudeville hoe and she squirted seltzer water in my face. It took all my restraint not to poke her in the eyes

If it wasn't for Hulk Hogan we'd never have known the ending of Gremlins 2. Think of it. 40 years of not knowing if Phoebe Cates was ok eating away at your insides. It would've been a living hell

If I had a cute desi babe who could cook id let her shit wherever she damn well pleased

Out buying that abandoned my family pack