Django Gold

My debut stand-up special BAG OF TRICKS is now available to watch, link in bio. An hour of laughter, tears, and invaluable moral guidance. Give it a watch, give it a like, leave a nice comment, share it with some/all of your friends. A labor of love! I hope you enjoy it.

when a movie is 90 minutes long

I think I'd do pretty well in prison, assuming the other prisoners need a guy to explain the meaning of poems

having an afternoon coffee so I’m not sleepy for my movie later

this is how everyone else at the party reacted when I started freestyling

the major publishers have all rejected my pitch for a children’s book series about a wizarding school where “nothing much happens”

my shredder gave its life for this bit

honestly I think Trump should lean into his role as a fiendish riddle-master -- puzzle boxes, fiddle dee dee, etc.

Elliot Rodger: women should be placed in quarantined breeding camps, isolated from society in order to preserve a masculine utopia free of their poisonous female treachery Subway Takes guy: 100 percent agree

I have obtained the Epstein files

seeding a Deuxmoi tip that I’m nice

apparition: Macbeth shall never vanquished be until Great Birnam Wood shall come against him. Macbeth: okay great, and that’s not a trick or a riddle or anything like that, right? like the other things were? apparition: uhhhh, no. it definitely isn’t.

the next James Bond should smoke pot

what you people don’t realize is that all this arguing is actually hurting Jeffrey Epstein’s legacy

it would be brutally ironic if after all these years Trump goes down for the simple crime of having sex with children

seamlessly connecting this to the decline in white birth rates somehow

Hope you enjoy your family time, @JDVance. The families you’re tearing apart certainly won’t.