David Hughes

If you drink a Coke and it’s got a guys name on it does that make you gay

What’s that ub40 song about red wine called

Just flew in from Perth and oh boy are my arms tired (I had to push the plane along the tarmac to the gate)

What’s something that’s legal but feels like shouldn’t be? I’ll go first - theft

So he didn’t walk on water?

Guy with clipboard: do you like pandas? Me: yeah dude I love pandas Also me, after he tells me he wants $10 a month for pandas: absolutely fuck pandas

Imagine having a problem with me when I’m over here minding my own damn business, just starting a series of career ending rumours about you cos lol

Apart from my actions what the hell did I do to deserve this

We got GTA 6 before we got GTA 6

[first day as a pilot] Me, over the intercom: this is super hard, you guys should try it

Just blocked my kids school’s email address. Nobody needs to be sending me 4 emails before lunch.

[son gets 2nd place in art fair] Me: lets put it on the second fridge Son: but we dont have a second fridge Me: then I guess we don’t have time for your bullshit

Squeezing the loose skin on the nutsack feels so fucken good I can’t explain it. Happy Easter

Judas: still on for Friday? Jesus: Friday? Judas: yeah, the last supper Jesus: the what? Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas

Piss is just boneless cum.

PSA: we don’t need that AI action figure of you. Cheers

I’ve got flashing paint eyelids 😔