Darth Erogenous
@darth_erogenous
eating
I accidentally steeped Joe Rogan in a cup of earl grey tea and drank him🤯 “not him” making my gut bacteria laugh by humping my gall bladder
The Black Keys are my favourite band. I’m designing an AI chatbot for landlords to handle tenant disagreements. I genuinely love my wife/bouldering. I’ll die at the turn of the next century surrounded by children who are basically the same
And the Oscar goes to {opens envelope, big smile} The Cone Brothers
The late bird gets the much cooler "night worm"
This is so sad. Bourdain describing exactly how he would kill himself
I raced a tortoise and a hare in my house and my dog ate them
{ trying to top friend’s anecdote } LOL! Man did you hear about the old woman who lived in a shoe
my favourite youtube video: Captain Barbosa Being A Mood For 11 Minutes Straight. I show it to bus drivers, women at the bank. In a dream I played it for Barbosa himself and he kissed my thigh
The real revelation that these hyperrealistic AI videos bring about is just how boring it all is. You see a convincing video of Trump eating moths out of a used jockstrap and go “Ok”. The 5-years-ago you would have found the prospect of this mind-alteringly funny. But you go “ok”
Love drinking water in bed without sitting up, where the liquid sort of sits at the bottom of your oesophagus and you almost throw up or die. It’s just one of those things I can’t imagine Obama doing
{hearing a Van Halen solo and imagining a big guitar, also forgetting the word for synesthesia } Oh my God.. I think I have bibimbap
Virgil, Homer, Dante. You write an epic poem and become a mononym. I attempt to dream tonight of a world where Cedric The Entertainer writes Gilgamesh 2 and is remembered as “Cedric” thereon. I wake in a cold sweat and breathlessly tell my wife it’s about Cedric’s Gilgamesh 2
Plaintain is to banana what I am to a guy that’s kinder than me but crucially harder to respect
If zohran mamdani wins I’ll post a video of my neighbor’s penis !!
i would probably also have named a climate pattern "El Niño". but then again that's already what i call my dog and fridge and son
{texting ice cream friend} 2 scoops vanilla. waffle cone, chocolate around the rim. Sensational {texting other friend } Just told him I got ice cream lol
tomorrow everyone on earth will join their arms and legs to form some kind of mycelium net, dispersing our sorrows at the speed of sound. we'll do it for about 10 minutes and then there will be either no wars or 1 really bad one
i can never recall what 'erstwhile' means or childhood memories of joyful abandon