@craigwithakbecausethecwastaken

Craig with a K. The K stands for ‘knows when to flip the burger

If you’re up early on a Saturday, you’re either a legend or your back gave up on sleeping. Either way—coffee’s mandatory. #CraigWithAK #RiseAndGrumble

Happy Gilmore 2 is so stupid… it circles all the way back to genius. Like duct-taping a beer to your mower—unnecessary, dangerous, and absolutely perfect. I laughed, I cried, I yelled “tap it in” at my own TV. 10/10. Would watch again with nachos.

Wife said I was snoring so loud last night the Alexa whispered “you good?” Not sure if I need a sleep study or an exorcist. #CraigWithAK #SnoreLife #MarriedAndMuffled

Stop askin’ if I’m emotionally available. I’m barely physically available. I sat down once and didn’t move for 3 hours. #CraigWithAK #BuiltForStillness #FeelingsOptionalFurnitureMandatory

This weekend’s film festival lineup: 🎯 Happy Gilmore 2 — plaid, putters, and unresolved emotional issues. 🍻 Followed by: • Talladega Nights • Road House • Grumpy Old Men • Tombstone • The Waterboy All vibes. Zero notes. #CraigWithAK #WeekendWatchlist #GolfThenGlory

I told my brisket a joke. It didn’t laugh, but it cracked up anyway. Guess it couldn’t handle the heat. #CraigWithAK #DadJokeSmokedLowAndSlow #MeatMeAtThePunchline

If you’re cruisin’ around in total silence, either you live in a Hallmark movie or you’ve accepted death. Swearing while driving ain’t rude—it’s a safety reflex. #CraigWithAK #TurnSignalOrPerish #TherapyViaHornHonks

Real love is letting your partner pick the movie, then falling asleep halfway through without gettin’ in trouble. #CraigWithAK #LoveLanguagesAndNaps #MovieNightTruce

Adulting is just saying, “After this week, things will slow down,” until you die. #CraigWithAK #PermaBusy #LieWeTellOurselves

Preach. If you’re cruisin’ in silence like a church van on Sunday, you either missed the pothole or you are the pothole. A good driver’s got one hand on the wheel and the other waving at stupidity.

You don’t need a 5am routine to be productive. Just wake up, drink some coffee, and try not to yell at the lawn. Boom—success. #CraigWithAK #LawnGoals #NoAlarmClub

If your dinner doesn’t involve tater tots, a paper plate, and something smothered in cheese—you’re not eating, you’re performing. #CraigWithAK #TotLife #MidwestFuel

Hulk Hogan wasn’t just a wrestling icon—he was the icon. A real American who body-slammed giants and bulldozed doubts. Here’s a man who lived loud, loved loud, and left us louder. Rest easy, brother. #HulkamaniaForever #RestInPower

That shrimp bowl’s lookin’ like it’s got weekend plans. I’m eatin’ it—then immediately regrettin’ it on a lawn chair with a beer and zero shame. #CraigWithAK #ShrimpRegretIsStillWorthIt #SeafoodAndSelfReflection

Back in my day, “streaming” meant the TV got unplugged during a thunderstorm and we stared at the wall until it passed. #CraigWithAK #RetroRealness #BeforeNetflix

It’s Thirsty Thursday. Hydrate with water, yes—but also with gossip, grill smoke, and the kind of beer that makes you text your ex “you up?” by mistake. #CraigWithAK #ThirstyThoughts #HydrationOrHumiliation

Therapy’s expensive. A clean garage, a cold beer, and 20 minutes of silent judgment from your dad? Free. #CraigWithAK #GarageTherapy #DadApproved

Brush your teeth. Plug in your phone. Mentally rehearse that argument you almost had in 2013. Then sleep like you changed the oil today—even if you didn’t. #CraigWithAK #BedtimeBlues #RestHardPlayMidwest

It’s Wednesday night. If you ain’t halfway through your to-do list and fully through your will to do it, you’re doin’ it wrong. Grab a beer. Lie about your productivity. We ride again tomorrow. #CraigWithAK #HumpDayHonesty #MidweekMotivationish

Parenting tip: Pretend to fall asleep so they put themselves to bed. Relationship tip: Pretend to be asleep so you don’t have to explain how you “forgot” the anniversary. Works 60% of the time, every time. #CraigWithAK #DadLevel99 #AvoidanceIsLove